well i'm sick again. that's what i get for working at a preschool. DAMN KIDS!!! aww no i luvs them. ...(*glances around, sees no children, and shakes fist*)
also, i have a total inability to go to sleep if i have to pee AT ALL, like if i didn't pee within three minutes of getting into bed i will lay there obsessively thinking "should i get up and go pee? i think i kind of have to pee. no i'm probably fine. i barely have to pee. but i kind of have to pee. should i get up and pee?"
anyway this is a problem when i'm sick and drink like three gallons of tea and water+emergenC/airbourne because i'm trying to nip it in the bud (wow, i sound like my grandma. who is fucking INVINCIBLE by the way. what a badass. not that she would approve of me calling her that. probably. i wonder if she even knows what it means. aww my grandma's adorable.) but because i have 2 classes and 2 jobs and 1 boyfriend i never get enough sleep so i stay sick fo evah and it makes me sad and sniffly which pisses everyone off when we're in a test and i'm the back like "SNIIIIIF. HOCCCK. COUGGGGH. HAAACK. SNIIIIFFF" which i totally undersand because i hate it when people do that too.
i hate being sick because i can't (or shouldn't) climb and that makes me sad.
i loved being all hella ripped back in the day and scaring the bejeesus out of girls with my manly muscles and hardcore callouses. seriously. making girls gasp and jump when you flex or just when they see your arms or touch your hands. bwahhahahaha.
i think the british accent is a crock of shit.
this is because british singers DON'T HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT.
SUSPICIOUS??!!! yes. fucking exactly.
also, i can't understand british accents AT ALL, and kept asking "what's he saying? what's going on? can we turn the subtitles on?" when watching Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Boondock Saints. Seriously. I need a translator. They talk all fast and crazy and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE.
also, i can't speak it ("it"=British). although for a while there whenever i was high i only and automatically talked in a british accent (it's SO FUNNY).
so my british accent sucks. most of my accent attempts are pretty sad, and end up being some kind of mixture of indian/british/russian/chinese.
i totally want to hear somebody speak chinese with a british accent.
or russian with a chinese accent.
or any other language, in another other language's accent.
....hehehe.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
i expect unicorns
The dichotomy:
My beautiful ballerina friend this weekend was having the great Mac/PC argument with her husband. When I asked for her advice for which sucks less (my computer takes about 7 minutes to start up and 2 just to open firefox, no shit i've timed this), she asked me several questions. One was "are you organized?"
This is a tricky question because I am on both ends of the spectrum and nowhere really in between.
On the one hand, my closet is color-coded in the order of the rainbow, with shirts within a color organized by length of sleeve. Apparently this is weird?
On the other hand, when taking notes in class, i don't have One Official Notebook. I take notes on the back of syllabi (SHUT UP spellcheck that is a word you fucking anti-Latin case-endings FREAK), on the back of old notes, on scraps of paper, on the inside of folders, and wherever the hell there's space to write because i'm not so organized in that way. As in, I'm incapable of schlepping one of my fucking millions of empty notebooks to class and taking notes on the pages sequentially left to right and not on my arm because i was late again and forgot to get paper and missed the bus again because i had to run inside to get a banana and some challah (pronounced HOLLA!!!) because who the fuck has time to eat in the morning when you set your alarm an hour before you need to go and hit the snooze button four times and then take a twenty-minute shower because hot running water is amazing and i think i lived in a third-world country in a past live given my deep, heartfelt appreciation (and lustful longing for) showers. And run-on sentences, apparently. I blame the blogess. She makes me want to take anti-depressents. (seriously.)
random shit in my mini Moleskines:
-"Sounds and noises and things...is what."
-"I (heart) wigwam)" (picture of a teepee...what is a wigwam anyway? well it's fun to say. wigam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam. and i totally typed all that out becuase i am HARDCORE WOO! fuck copy paste.)
-"They invented the shish-ka-bob"
-"I just had a thought, and the thought was.........oh fuck."
-" oximoronic (in a rap)"
-"band name Anemic Amboeic Amoeic Ameob Amoeba morpheme Amoebaic Amb Amoeba"
-"gay Nazi lady"
-"that thing you said wasn't me, WAS ME."
-"metonymic limerick"
-"nasal velar fricative"
-"winged moonlight/sunrise over Egypt"
and my personal favorite:
"I expect unicorns."
and you know what?
I DO.
My beautiful ballerina friend this weekend was having the great Mac/PC argument with her husband. When I asked for her advice for which sucks less (my computer takes about 7 minutes to start up and 2 just to open firefox, no shit i've timed this), she asked me several questions. One was "are you organized?"
This is a tricky question because I am on both ends of the spectrum and nowhere really in between.
On the one hand, my closet is color-coded in the order of the rainbow, with shirts within a color organized by length of sleeve. Apparently this is weird?
On the other hand, when taking notes in class, i don't have One Official Notebook. I take notes on the back of syllabi (SHUT UP spellcheck that is a word you fucking anti-Latin case-endings FREAK), on the back of old notes, on scraps of paper, on the inside of folders, and wherever the hell there's space to write because i'm not so organized in that way. As in, I'm incapable of schlepping one of my fucking millions of empty notebooks to class and taking notes on the pages sequentially left to right and not on my arm because i was late again and forgot to get paper and missed the bus again because i had to run inside to get a banana and some challah (pronounced HOLLA!!!) because who the fuck has time to eat in the morning when you set your alarm an hour before you need to go and hit the snooze button four times and then take a twenty-minute shower because hot running water is amazing and i think i lived in a third-world country in a past live given my deep, heartfelt appreciation (and lustful longing for) showers. And run-on sentences, apparently. I blame the blogess. She makes me want to take anti-depressents. (seriously.)
random shit in my mini Moleskines:
-"Sounds and noises and things...is what."
-"I (heart) wigwam)" (picture of a teepee...what is a wigwam anyway? well it's fun to say. wigam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam. and i totally typed all that out becuase i am HARDCORE WOO! fuck copy paste.)
-"They invented the shish-ka-bob"
-"I just had a thought, and the thought was.........oh fuck."
-" oximoronic (in a rap)"
-"band name Anemic Amboeic Amoeic Ameob Amoeba morpheme Amoebaic Amb Amoeba"
-"gay Nazi lady"
-"that thing you said wasn't me, WAS ME."
-"metonymic limerick"
-"nasal velar fricative"
-"winged moonlight/sunrise over Egypt"
and my personal favorite:
"I expect unicorns."
and you know what?
I DO.
Friday, April 17, 2009
i am fairlyliterate
Does anybody "Tweet"? I "Tweet" now. I am cool. I am popular. I have no friends.
I am fairlyliterate.
That is my Twitter name.
If you're on, you should friendify me.
Which is, by the way, a totally convincing and logical argument.
Also, join my cult.
A conversation about it between me and a Logic/Philosophy teacher/friend:
Me: Are you on Twitter? My sister just convinced me to join.
Him: What's her argument?
Me: She didn't really have an argument. She just said I should. And she's a smart lady.
Him: You call that convincing? It's time for Steve to kill you.
I am fairlyliterate.
That is my Twitter name.
If you're on, you should friendify me.
Which is, by the way, a totally convincing and logical argument.
Also, join my cult.
A conversation about it between me and a Logic/Philosophy teacher/friend:
Me: Are you on Twitter? My sister just convinced me to join.
Him: What's her argument?
Me: She didn't really have an argument. She just said I should. And she's a smart lady.
Him: You call that convincing? It's time for Steve to kill you.
Monday, April 13, 2009
where is threre?
your youness interrupting my new meness
reminding me of the scattered erupting old shiny sadness
so i try to smile for a while
breathe and hold your color
remind me that i am me
my color holding fast and steady
electric blue
sad smile
fuck you
i look back at you and see
not a rational human being
but a robot comma drama queen
i want to just unlink me
screaming or silentquietly
sometimes songs are how i feel
reminding me of the scattered erupting old shiny sadness
so i try to smile for a while
breathe and hold your color
remind me that i am me
my color holding fast and steady
electric blue
sad smile
fuck you
i look back at you and see
not a rational human being
but a robot comma drama queen
i want to just unlink me
screaming or silentquietly
sometimes songs are how i feel
Friday, April 3, 2009
Fuck college attendance
Fuck college attendance.
Because you know what? Taking daily attendance and having it be a part of students' grade is...how shall I say this....utterly retarded.
If you're going to ditch, you're going to ditch. If you're going to ditch and mandatory attendance prevents it, then the teacher is helping the slackers who wouldn't come to class UNLESS there was mandatory attendance. Counting attendance does NOTHING to help the students who ALREADY go to class anyway, because they're already getting good grades.
Skipping class should presumably its own deterrent anyway, because missing classes=missing information=shitty grades. So slackers already have this lack of attendance reflected in their grades without the separate attendance portion---the required attendance portion, if it does exist and causes said slacker to go to class more, just brings up the grade of someone who totally does not deserve it because they are a lazy fuck.
All counting attendance does for people who go to class anyway, like me, is to fuck them over when they get sick nine times a semester because they work at a preschool.
All counting attendance does for people who wouldn't go to class without it, is help the grades of undeserving people.
PLUS: I believe that if you can get a good grade in the class without having to go (often because the teacher is shitty, teaches out of the book, repeats what you already know, and is generally wasting your time), you should be able to. It just means that the teacher sucked--if you can get all of the information on your own, via the textbook, then sitting in class reviewing what you previously understood is a waste.
Counting attendance is a weak way for teachers to attempt to get kids to come to class, when if they were decent teachers, the kids who didn't come to class would get fucked over in their grade.
I had one Spanish literature teacher who designed the following schedule:
1. Assign a reading.
2. Assign reading questions as homework with the reading.
3. In class, split into small groups and discuss the reading questions.
4. Next, the class as a whole discusses the reading questions.
And--she counted attendance.
It infuriated me. If you understand the reading when you read it, the reading questions themselves are already redundant. Discussing in small groups is angering, because you've already been over the material twice (and, in the case of Spanish classes, you have to deal with sororiwhores who didn't do/understand the reading, barely speak/read/understand and don't even LIKE Spanish--which is their fucking major). So by the time it came to the group discussion, I'd be bored out of my head, and pissed off at the fact that this waste of my time was a portion of my grade.
Oh--and everyone liked the teacher, because she was "nice." And they were dumb.
I had another teacher who taught out of the book--but she was good at it. So nobody noticed, except the one other linguistics major in the class, which I found entertaining. I spent my days in that class (again, required attendance!) watching the soristitutues diligently taking notes in their neat, rounded handwriting, while I LITERALLY underlined the relevant sentence in the book. Because the teacher said nothing that was not in the fucking textbook--and yet she made us come to class.
TEACHERS: Don't try to "help" us by "encouraging" us to come to class via required attendance. If you class is useful, people will come (and if they don't, they deserve the grade they get). If your class is worthless, you are wasting my time.
Because you know what? Taking daily attendance and having it be a part of students' grade is...how shall I say this....utterly retarded.
If you're going to ditch, you're going to ditch. If you're going to ditch and mandatory attendance prevents it, then the teacher is helping the slackers who wouldn't come to class UNLESS there was mandatory attendance. Counting attendance does NOTHING to help the students who ALREADY go to class anyway, because they're already getting good grades.
Skipping class should presumably its own deterrent anyway, because missing classes=missing information=shitty grades. So slackers already have this lack of attendance reflected in their grades without the separate attendance portion---the required attendance portion, if it does exist and causes said slacker to go to class more, just brings up the grade of someone who totally does not deserve it because they are a lazy fuck.
All counting attendance does for people who go to class anyway, like me, is to fuck them over when they get sick nine times a semester because they work at a preschool.
All counting attendance does for people who wouldn't go to class without it, is help the grades of undeserving people.
PLUS: I believe that if you can get a good grade in the class without having to go (often because the teacher is shitty, teaches out of the book, repeats what you already know, and is generally wasting your time), you should be able to. It just means that the teacher sucked--if you can get all of the information on your own, via the textbook, then sitting in class reviewing what you previously understood is a waste.
Counting attendance is a weak way for teachers to attempt to get kids to come to class, when if they were decent teachers, the kids who didn't come to class would get fucked over in their grade.
I had one Spanish literature teacher who designed the following schedule:
1. Assign a reading.
2. Assign reading questions as homework with the reading.
3. In class, split into small groups and discuss the reading questions.
4. Next, the class as a whole discusses the reading questions.
And--she counted attendance.
It infuriated me. If you understand the reading when you read it, the reading questions themselves are already redundant. Discussing in small groups is angering, because you've already been over the material twice (and, in the case of Spanish classes, you have to deal with sororiwhores who didn't do/understand the reading, barely speak/read/understand and don't even LIKE Spanish--which is their fucking major). So by the time it came to the group discussion, I'd be bored out of my head, and pissed off at the fact that this waste of my time was a portion of my grade.
Oh--and everyone liked the teacher, because she was "nice." And they were dumb.
I had another teacher who taught out of the book--but she was good at it. So nobody noticed, except the one other linguistics major in the class, which I found entertaining. I spent my days in that class (again, required attendance!) watching the soristitutues diligently taking notes in their neat, rounded handwriting, while I LITERALLY underlined the relevant sentence in the book. Because the teacher said nothing that was not in the fucking textbook--and yet she made us come to class.
TEACHERS: Don't try to "help" us by "encouraging" us to come to class via required attendance. If you class is useful, people will come (and if they don't, they deserve the grade they get). If your class is worthless, you are wasting my time.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
at least i am a superhero.
So apparently, when a movie gets universally excellent reviews about how "deep" and "affecting" it is, i should never, ever go see it.
Reason 1:
i am really, really, really easily creeped out.
When i was little, i had a genuine phobia of Oompaloompas. i had a really sadistic friend* who figured out how to play that horrible Oompaloompa song on her clarinet just to flip me out during band class. One halloween, the math and art teachers at my middle school who were getting married DRESSED UP AS OOMPALOOMPAS (who DOES that??!?) and this girl--you guessed it!!!--voraciously (is that the right word?) flagged them down and insisted they sit by me, while i curled up, hyperventalating.
*this sadistic friend is the girl that, when we were little, would invite me over to watch Titanic in elementary school just to turn around in her chair and watch me with glee as i cried when Leonardo DiCaprio died.** This is the same girl who, knowing my utter inability to not-vomit at the sight of other people's blood (a reversal; i was fine with the sight of my own blood, and, in high school, pretty darn excited about it) would turn on medical dramas and literally force my eyes open as i squirmed and they cut innards open and whatnot. This girl is now, funnily enough, a nurse.
ah, friendship.
**HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIT TWO PEOPLE ON A DOOR?!
Anyway, all that was leading up to the fact that i didn't really like Coraline., *GASP!* you say! well, i didn't DISLIKE it, and i totally APPRECIATED the art and the concept and the Neil Gaiman-ness of it all, but i just found it too creepy to really enjoy. they did a really good job of that. so creepy i don't want to wach it. congratulations.
Reason 2: I don't like bad guys.
Disney movies are honestly a little too dark for me sometimes, and i would prefer if they didn't have bad guys.
I had less ambivalent feelings about There Will Be Blood than Coraline. I fucking HATED that godawful, depressing, slow, dull, depressing, deprssing, depressing horrible movie. I watched it with the boyfriend and his brother and the whole time we were just sitting there like "why are we still watching this?" eventually the two of them did stop watching, but, with the same optimistic, naiive tenacaity that insisted i stick it out through 4 years of on-off emotionally abusive relationship with the ex, i watched the whole thing ("the end will make it worth it..."). which i was later ACTUALLY glad about when Roommate showed me this gem of a parody: There Will Be Bud. Anyway, what is the POINT of watching a movie where you hate ALL the characters, have lost faith in ALL of humanity, and are horribly depressed and hope everyone in the movie just fucking dies a horrible violent death.
And again, I appreciated it. The concept, the cinematics, blah blah blah. I just didn't fucking LIKE it.
So i got my wisdom teeth out. it is spring break. woo.
i have spent the last four days lying on my couch drinking soup and smoothies and watching the first three seasons of the Office and even had a most-exciting bout with vomiting the day after the surgery! And yes, violently puking up acid over open wounds and bleeding gums is about as awesome as it sounds.
so yeah.
at least i am a superhero.
(thanks, Ally B)
Reason 1:
i am really, really, really easily creeped out.
When i was little, i had a genuine phobia of Oompaloompas. i had a really sadistic friend* who figured out how to play that horrible Oompaloompa song on her clarinet just to flip me out during band class. One halloween, the math and art teachers at my middle school who were getting married DRESSED UP AS OOMPALOOMPAS (who DOES that??!?) and this girl--you guessed it!!!--voraciously (is that the right word?) flagged them down and insisted they sit by me, while i curled up, hyperventalating.
*this sadistic friend is the girl that, when we were little, would invite me over to watch Titanic in elementary school just to turn around in her chair and watch me with glee as i cried when Leonardo DiCaprio died.** This is the same girl who, knowing my utter inability to not-vomit at the sight of other people's blood (a reversal; i was fine with the sight of my own blood, and, in high school, pretty darn excited about it) would turn on medical dramas and literally force my eyes open as i squirmed and they cut innards open and whatnot. This girl is now, funnily enough, a nurse.
ah, friendship.
**HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIT TWO PEOPLE ON A DOOR?!
Anyway, all that was leading up to the fact that i didn't really like Coraline., *GASP!* you say! well, i didn't DISLIKE it, and i totally APPRECIATED the art and the concept and the Neil Gaiman-ness of it all, but i just found it too creepy to really enjoy. they did a really good job of that. so creepy i don't want to wach it. congratulations.
Reason 2: I don't like bad guys.
Disney movies are honestly a little too dark for me sometimes, and i would prefer if they didn't have bad guys.
I had less ambivalent feelings about There Will Be Blood than Coraline. I fucking HATED that godawful, depressing, slow, dull, depressing, deprssing, depressing horrible movie. I watched it with the boyfriend and his brother and the whole time we were just sitting there like "why are we still watching this?" eventually the two of them did stop watching, but, with the same optimistic, naiive tenacaity that insisted i stick it out through 4 years of on-off emotionally abusive relationship with the ex, i watched the whole thing ("the end will make it worth it..."). which i was later ACTUALLY glad about when Roommate showed me this gem of a parody: There Will Be Bud. Anyway, what is the POINT of watching a movie where you hate ALL the characters, have lost faith in ALL of humanity, and are horribly depressed and hope everyone in the movie just fucking dies a horrible violent death.
And again, I appreciated it. The concept, the cinematics, blah blah blah. I just didn't fucking LIKE it.
So i got my wisdom teeth out. it is spring break. woo.
i have spent the last four days lying on my couch drinking soup and smoothies and watching the first three seasons of the Office and even had a most-exciting bout with vomiting the day after the surgery! And yes, violently puking up acid over open wounds and bleeding gums is about as awesome as it sounds.
so yeah.
at least i am a superhero.
(thanks, Ally B)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
hokey dokey
Sometimes I realize randomly that people are at different stages in their lives. It's obvious, but sometimes i just stop and realize that not everyone is in college right now, or grew up with Rocko's Modern Life and Salute Your Shorts. Right now, as i'm sleep-deprived college kid, happily not hungover from St. Patrick's Day, constantly bitching about school and so busy and tired i sometimes just want to cry, some people are just beginning life. Seriously. Think about it. People are being born RIGHT NOW. They'll grow up with digital cameras, not Poloroids and film, with MP3s and iPods, not Discmans and CDs. They'll grow up with Obama as president and the ice caps melting and the war in Iraq--those will be their childhood memories. Some people are just beginning life. Some people are about to leave it--they grew up with world wars, with the Depression, with record players. We live in a similar timeframe as so few people. Constant renewal. Constant surprise.
Well it's been really hard to focus lately. I think i burned myself out at the beginning of the semester when i was going hella strong---going to school, then work, then studying/homeworking for seven hours before bed and feeling guilty if i spent twenty minutes on Facebook. and now...now all i want to do is sleep. Last week was so bad and i was so sleep-deprived. that i pretty much didn't give a shit about papers, projects, homework, or class. All i cared about was sleep. I haven't really gotten over that.
And the next person who talks about their flight to Hawaii or fucking whatever is getting their ovaries punched. The fact that i'm excited about spring break at ALL is kind of amazing considering my plans are: Getting my wisom teeth out. WOOOOOOOOO! People were handing out "spring break packets" or some shit on campus today, probably sunscreen and condoms. Just rub it in why don't you! My "spring break kit" will be vikodin and ice cream.
Okay, so maybe it won't be so bad...
And while i may have spent the last three inconsistently-capitalized-and-indented paragraphs bitching about shit that doesn't matter (oh how Buddhist of me) i just HAVE to say that i am really, really, really sick of people flipping out whenever Facebook changes their layout. Everyone's all "OH GOD THIS SUCKS BRING THE OLD ONE BACK I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS MY FURY AT THE SLIGHT INCONVENIENE OF INEVITABLE CHANGE" when last time Facebook changed their layout, everyone flipped out. And the NEXT time they change it, everyone will be begging for this one. I don't get what the big deal is. I don't even remember what the old one was like, or why any of this shit matters to anyone at all.
have i mentioned i'd kill for a nap?
Well it's been really hard to focus lately. I think i burned myself out at the beginning of the semester when i was going hella strong---going to school, then work, then studying/homeworking for seven hours before bed and feeling guilty if i spent twenty minutes on Facebook. and now...now all i want to do is sleep. Last week was so bad and i was so sleep-deprived. that i pretty much didn't give a shit about papers, projects, homework, or class. All i cared about was sleep. I haven't really gotten over that.
And the next person who talks about their flight to Hawaii or fucking whatever is getting their ovaries punched. The fact that i'm excited about spring break at ALL is kind of amazing considering my plans are: Getting my wisom teeth out. WOOOOOOOOO! People were handing out "spring break packets" or some shit on campus today, probably sunscreen and condoms. Just rub it in why don't you! My "spring break kit" will be vikodin and ice cream.
Okay, so maybe it won't be so bad...
And while i may have spent the last three inconsistently-capitalized-and-indented paragraphs bitching about shit that doesn't matter (oh how Buddhist of me) i just HAVE to say that i am really, really, really sick of people flipping out whenever Facebook changes their layout. Everyone's all "OH GOD THIS SUCKS BRING THE OLD ONE BACK I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS MY FURY AT THE SLIGHT INCONVENIENE OF INEVITABLE CHANGE" when last time Facebook changed their layout, everyone flipped out. And the NEXT time they change it, everyone will be begging for this one. I don't get what the big deal is. I don't even remember what the old one was like, or why any of this shit matters to anyone at all.
have i mentioned i'd kill for a nap?
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