i want to high-five "random strangers"
and dance-walk and interact
(then some people are bores and suck...)
(and i realize that! oh fuck.)
i want real human connection
i want frenzied intervention
burst your bubble
--punch or snuggle?
interrupting lives
(we are living intertwined)
wearing sneakers one tall polka-dotted sock
the other one has ninjas on it!
oh! hello!
how do you motherfucking feel about that?
i don't want to be shiny or pretty
or ‘this’ or ‘there’ or ‘here’ (you care?)
i crave human be-ing
but barely utterly bewildering
is this this, this odd, this bodything
this living, this life/realitything
let's smash the clocks computers mirrors
and party on the moon
(and -holy fuck-, even (?maybe) talk!)
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
this
i wonder if being free would exhaust me
i want to just ask EVERYONE:
does it really not surprise you that you're human?
(maybe i'm new at this...been chillin in my corner of the sky"
feel like i’m playing a video game and i’m more aware of being the player than the character--instead of being super involved and invested, i’m watching with detached interest, rooting for me but not trying too hard or getting upset when i don’t get the coin or i fall down the hole.
utterly bewildered...at reality, humanity--class??! work?? rent??!
this song moves me sideways...sitar strings dancing into dream
having a hard time reading in Spanish and retaining comprehension....
it just sounds looks like music
i can’t handle people asking things of me
sometimes, these times
it’s more than enough to be
acupuncture is lighting the joint for the little man in your tendons, to make him chillax.
dear humans: “at your funeral, i was somewhat sad.”
i hope the apocalypse brings people together.
M&Ms or chocolate chips are a succulent and delicious treat, and should be enjoyed as though each individual candy has a personality.
This is a new page.
It can contain anything.
So far it has only contained the very mundane.
which, if i may say.
(and i WILL)
is fucking fantastic.
also: thoughts should also be treated as individual morsels.
It would be fun to watch the movies Jack and Benjamin Button in a row, perhaps one would enjoy a catharsis of the mind in doing this.
be-cause what is time?
we should go sledding.
"i’m in a brain mode right now" -brendan?
"you can’t take a cloud and pin it down" -brendan?0
"can’t be having stuff in my nothing space!" -ed
i want to just ask EVERYONE:
does it really not surprise you that you're human?
(maybe i'm new at this...been chillin in my corner of the sky"
feel like i’m playing a video game and i’m more aware of being the player than the character--instead of being super involved and invested, i’m watching with detached interest, rooting for me but not trying too hard or getting upset when i don’t get the coin or i fall down the hole.
utterly bewildered...at reality, humanity--class??! work?? rent??!
this song moves me sideways...sitar strings dancing into dream
having a hard time reading in Spanish and retaining comprehension....
it just sounds looks like music
i can’t handle people asking things of me
sometimes, these times
it’s more than enough to be
acupuncture is lighting the joint for the little man in your tendons, to make him chillax.
dear humans: “at your funeral, i was somewhat sad.”
i hope the apocalypse brings people together.
M&Ms or chocolate chips are a succulent and delicious treat, and should be enjoyed as though each individual candy has a personality.
This is a new page.
It can contain anything.
So far it has only contained the very mundane.
which, if i may say.
(and i WILL)
is fucking fantastic.
also: thoughts should also be treated as individual morsels.
It would be fun to watch the movies Jack and Benjamin Button in a row, perhaps one would enjoy a catharsis of the mind in doing this.
be-cause what is time?
we should go sledding.
"i’m in a brain mode right now" -brendan?
"you can’t take a cloud and pin it down" -brendan?0
"can’t be having stuff in my nothing space!" -ed
Monday, October 5, 2009
thinky thoughts
i want to sell ALL my stuff
move to another city
(CITY)
for the lights and people and dancing
(BY MYSELF)
go places meet people party my pants off
introduce myself as ‘robot’ (of course i’d bring minion!)
why is it so important to me (lately) to be interesting?
(that’s why i talk so much)
((LOOK AT ME I’M INTERESTING))
lately anyway.
((MITIGATING FACORS))
“Robot?”
“Yeah....i was like “i’m moving to a new city and i’m awkward and horrible at meeting people, maybe they’ll think i’m interesting if my name is Robot, which was my name at burning man”
i love humans! i’m just a noob at interacting
dance parties alone = BEST
a good example of why my “fuck that!” policy RULES:
“You’re on fire!”
ME: fuck that!
met the most MAGICAL human today---today in the tiny weird low-ceilinged oddly-shapped blue-painted used-book store combo home-made ice cream shop
“you’re from boulder? you guys are lucky!”
things i wish i heard in real life:
“if you want to start over, click cancel”
business cards:
mynameisrobot
act as interesting-movie-character as possibleß HOLY SHIT HOW DID I JUST TYPE THAT I AM AMAZING
i want to try being homeless someday.
just for a little bit.
SHANNON: play hide and go see in the dark!!
(but we’d probably spill the hookah)
on (as in, 'about') computers: “i know how to use this!”
hookah+BUBBLES.
night walking=the happy
there’s a monkey leg on my floor.
i miss the dust
save it elsewhere
note to self: $200 headphones --> totally worth it
i was having sex with that song
NO
it was having sex with me.
(the song: way out -- apparat and ellen alien on orchestra of bubbles)
it’s ungrammatical in Chinese to say “he’s happy” or “she’s happy” --because you can’t know.
------
why facebook is awkward:
Some Guy I Kinda Knew Through Friends In High School: ______ is trying very hard to hold the pieces of his life together.
Dude I Met Once At A Party. _____ divorce sucks
(i don’t even KNOW you...i didn’t even know you were MARRIED.)
OR! on the OTHER end of the spectrum:
Attractive Smiling Drunk Girl With Lots of Smiling Friends: _______Partying all night in Prague!!! Wooo!!!!
((i...have three more math problems.))
why all those blinky lights?
move to another city
(CITY)
for the lights and people and dancing
(BY MYSELF)
go places meet people party my pants off
introduce myself as ‘robot’ (of course i’d bring minion!)
why is it so important to me (lately) to be interesting?
(that’s why i talk so much)
((LOOK AT ME I’M INTERESTING))
lately anyway.
((MITIGATING FACORS))
“Robot?”
“Yeah....i was like “i’m moving to a new city and i’m awkward and horrible at meeting people, maybe they’ll think i’m interesting if my name is Robot, which was my name at burning man”
i love humans! i’m just a noob at interacting
dance parties alone = BEST
a good example of why my “fuck that!” policy RULES:
“You’re on fire!”
ME: fuck that!
met the most MAGICAL human today---today in the tiny weird low-ceilinged oddly-shapped blue-painted used-book store combo home-made ice cream shop
“you’re from boulder? you guys are lucky!”
things i wish i heard in real life:
“if you want to start over, click cancel”
business cards:
mynameisrobot
act as interesting-movie-character as possibleß HOLY SHIT HOW DID I JUST TYPE THAT I AM AMAZING
i want to try being homeless someday.
just for a little bit.
SHANNON: play hide and go see in the dark!!
(but we’d probably spill the hookah)
on (as in, 'about') computers: “i know how to use this!”
hookah+BUBBLES.
night walking=the happy
there’s a monkey leg on my floor.
i miss the dust
save it elsewhere
note to self: $200 headphones --> totally worth it
i was having sex with that song
NO
it was having sex with me.
(the song: way out -- apparat and ellen alien on orchestra of bubbles)
it’s ungrammatical in Chinese to say “he’s happy” or “she’s happy” --because you can’t know.
------
why facebook is awkward:
Some Guy I Kinda Knew Through Friends In High School: ______ is trying very hard to hold the pieces of his life together.
Dude I Met Once At A Party. _____ divorce sucks
(i don’t even KNOW you...i didn’t even know you were MARRIED.)
OR! on the OTHER end of the spectrum:
Attractive Smiling Drunk Girl With Lots of Smiling Friends: _______Partying all night in Prague!!! Wooo!!!!
((i...have three more math problems.))
why all those blinky lights?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
go team humans!
i kind of love that i'm super OCD but really messy. Like i'm not a habitually clean person, so i never put stuff away, or hang it up or whatever, right away, i'll just toss it in a pile. in high school my closet was actually two laundry baskets of cleanish clothes i'd spend hours sorting through in the morning. (SUPER efficient not knowing where anything is.) in my ACTUAL closet were all the clothes i never wore. anyway so my shit will get all messy and one day i'll freak out and clean for like a whole day and then it gets messy again because i really suck at being obsessive-compulsive. DARN it.
i miss the playa. i presented on burning man* tonight at ignite boulder though!! thanks to my muse. well my timing wasn't perfect and i couldn't reconcile a consistent spatial relationship with the mic, and i totally tunnel-visioned all thoughts and noises out, and just DID it, kinda just zenning it out not even consciously thinking. well, maybe not your typical zen, because i was advocating arbitrary use of fire (does that even make sense?), senseless (but FUN) violence (yay thunderdome), booze (i love the word booze) and drugs (can we have a funner word for those too please?). (in my defense, i was also advocating humanity's inherent genorosity and kindness. go team humans!) anyway, my space-out zennage may or may not have been a super good thing, but probably worked okay with my topic and my personality and the fact that i changed my topic at last minute (come on, i went to BURNING MAN) and despite practicing multiple extemporaneous versions, having a totally different presentation than anything i planned because i planned it to be unplanned.
*check it out, my name is Robot. (ooo, what did i link to? CLICK IT IT'S HILARIOUS TOO HILARIOUS FOR PUNCTUATION MARKS.)
(haha, i'm annoying and i find that hilarious. hoo boy.)
well it's 4 AM and i'm clearly starting to get a bit frisky. i've been going to bed super late lately. and by super late i mean super early, for me, to wake up. like when it's dark out. like 6-8 AM. why? i get all energetic at night. damn it.
is it just me or is anyone else consistently surprised that 'q' is farther up in the alphabet than they think it is? to me i just seems like it belongs at the VERY end, more near W than O.
always weirds me out
i just remembered that at some point at burning man i was talking about how i can't wait to be old. i'm gonna do a bunch of drugs because i won't need by brain or body for long anymore, and i'll wear crazy shit and say crazy things and drive really fast and wave my cane at people. OH MY GOD I TOTALLY WANT A CANE.
anyway i don't get why people aren't "supposed" to ask about age. when i'm fifty i'm gonna be all "I'M FIFTY." hell, when i'm thirty-seven i'll be like "I'M THIRTY-SEVEN." and if people are like "oh! i thought you were younger than that." i'll be like "NOPE. I'M THIRTY-SEVEN."
and they'll be like "please stop screaming my ear." and i'll be like "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I'M OLD." and they will stab me in the eye with a salad fork. and i'll be all "that didn't even work, that was a big wooden spoon, you might want to use the other end" and he'll be like "well you're not shouting anymore, so i don't really need to." and i'll be like "i quite concur" and he'll go "indeed."
i could even through in my weight and dress size, just to be like "COME ON GUYS. NOT A BIG DEAL."
Lesson 1 from the Playa:
Fuck Pants.
Yeah. Why is pantlessness such a BIG GODDAMN DEAL? i have a fleshy human form. (i am a robot underneath, shh don't tell anyone.) who the fuck CARES? i want to be able to put on underwear and be done getting dressed for the day. i want to be FREEEEEEEE. free of PANTS.
...unless it's cold.
or i feel like wearing pants.
so i'm taking beginning russian this semester instead of going into advanced chinese (just SO not ready for that, plus i've been lusting after russian for a while) and sometimes people say stuff like "wow, you speak (blahblahblah)" and here is the truth:
1. i'm learning chinese to feel like a badass
2. i'm learning russian to make funny noises with my mouth*
*technically, as a linguist, all languages are equal and i'm probably not supposed to say that but come on, crazy consonant clusters are....uh, crazy.
time for bed.
(i concur.)
i miss the playa. i presented on burning man* tonight at ignite boulder though!! thanks to my muse. well my timing wasn't perfect and i couldn't reconcile a consistent spatial relationship with the mic, and i totally tunnel-visioned all thoughts and noises out, and just DID it, kinda just zenning it out not even consciously thinking. well, maybe not your typical zen, because i was advocating arbitrary use of fire (does that even make sense?), senseless (but FUN) violence (yay thunderdome), booze (i love the word booze) and drugs (can we have a funner word for those too please?). (in my defense, i was also advocating humanity's inherent genorosity and kindness. go team humans!) anyway, my space-out zennage may or may not have been a super good thing, but probably worked okay with my topic and my personality and the fact that i changed my topic at last minute (come on, i went to BURNING MAN) and despite practicing multiple extemporaneous versions, having a totally different presentation than anything i planned because i planned it to be unplanned.
*check it out, my name is Robot. (ooo, what did i link to? CLICK IT IT'S HILARIOUS TOO HILARIOUS FOR PUNCTUATION MARKS.)
(haha, i'm annoying and i find that hilarious. hoo boy.)
well it's 4 AM and i'm clearly starting to get a bit frisky. i've been going to bed super late lately. and by super late i mean super early, for me, to wake up. like when it's dark out. like 6-8 AM. why? i get all energetic at night. damn it.
is it just me or is anyone else consistently surprised that 'q' is farther up in the alphabet than they think it is? to me i just seems like it belongs at the VERY end, more near W than O.
always weirds me out
i just remembered that at some point at burning man i was talking about how i can't wait to be old. i'm gonna do a bunch of drugs because i won't need by brain or body for long anymore, and i'll wear crazy shit and say crazy things and drive really fast and wave my cane at people. OH MY GOD I TOTALLY WANT A CANE.
anyway i don't get why people aren't "supposed" to ask about age. when i'm fifty i'm gonna be all "I'M FIFTY." hell, when i'm thirty-seven i'll be like "I'M THIRTY-SEVEN." and if people are like "oh! i thought you were younger than that." i'll be like "NOPE. I'M THIRTY-SEVEN."
and they'll be like "please stop screaming my ear." and i'll be like "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I'M OLD." and they will stab me in the eye with a salad fork. and i'll be all "that didn't even work, that was a big wooden spoon, you might want to use the other end" and he'll be like "well you're not shouting anymore, so i don't really need to." and i'll be like "i quite concur" and he'll go "indeed."
i could even through in my weight and dress size, just to be like "COME ON GUYS. NOT A BIG DEAL."
Lesson 1 from the Playa:
Fuck Pants.
Yeah. Why is pantlessness such a BIG GODDAMN DEAL? i have a fleshy human form. (i am a robot underneath, shh don't tell anyone.) who the fuck CARES? i want to be able to put on underwear and be done getting dressed for the day. i want to be FREEEEEEEE. free of PANTS.
...unless it's cold.
or i feel like wearing pants.
so i'm taking beginning russian this semester instead of going into advanced chinese (just SO not ready for that, plus i've been lusting after russian for a while) and sometimes people say stuff like "wow, you speak (blahblahblah)" and here is the truth:
1. i'm learning chinese to feel like a badass
2. i'm learning russian to make funny noises with my mouth*
*technically, as a linguist, all languages are equal and i'm probably not supposed to say that but come on, crazy consonant clusters are....uh, crazy.
time for bed.
(i concur.)
Thursday, August 27, 2009
a love affair with laundry
AND NOW!!!
IT'S TIME FOR...
WORDS THAT MAKE ME GIGGLE
-vestibule
-nubbin
-coinage
-refurbish
(always makes me think of furbies, which inevitably results in what can only be described as a horrified chortle)
well that was fun.
I realized recently that one of the many reasons i like being awake at night is the total freedom from obligations. No one expects you to call them, or pick up your phone, at 2 AM. No stores are open, which means errands can't be run. Offices are closed, bossess are asleep. Even friends are sleeping.
Well i'm getting ready for Burning Man (note: scroll down for sweeeet pictures) and here are some of the things i've bought:
Glow leis: To wear at night for safety and awesomeness (how often can you say that?) and for gifting
A happy pink flower umbrella because i hear it gets sunny in the desert
Oh and you gotta have a costume or two!
Plus my roommate made me an AWESOME costume, a corset-dress thingy out of a pillowcase and two curtains from Savers. RAD.
Anyway gotta go buy a tent today, and an air mattress. This trip is super expensive (thank god i got the scholarship ticket!!!)* although I'm fucking psyched my computer can fit in my Camelback!! Wow, look at me, my trendy hip Apple laptop in my brand-new purple Camelback! BONUS POINTS: I am wearing a tye-dye skirt
AND THE WIN: I have a big-ass yin-yang tattoo all up my back.
DING DING DING! I'm from Boulder!
...
LOVE it.
AND as part of my preparation for Burning Man, I haven't showered in three days! RAD.
THIS IS HOW I THINK:
i may have just spent $15o on hats, but i figure i save about two dollars a month by not using dryer sheets so i'm pretty much even.
honestly, why do we even NEED dryer sheets? ooohh, static cliiiing. MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
MORE THOUGHTS ON DRYERS
in my new house there is an option on the dryer that is "no heat." which i don't understand because a no-heat drying is like...a crime against laundry. because pretty much the whole point of laundry is to take everything out of the dryer when it's all warm... and hugging it tightly and breathing in the smell of laundry as the lovely warmth encompasses you slowly, gently...
ahem.
ANOTHER ALLCAPS CAPTION
well that was fun.
IT'S TIME FOR...
WORDS THAT MAKE ME GIGGLE
-vestibule
-nubbin
-coinage
-refurbish
(always makes me think of furbies, which inevitably results in what can only be described as a horrified chortle)
well that was fun.
I realized recently that one of the many reasons i like being awake at night is the total freedom from obligations. No one expects you to call them, or pick up your phone, at 2 AM. No stores are open, which means errands can't be run. Offices are closed, bossess are asleep. Even friends are sleeping.
Well i'm getting ready for Burning Man (note: scroll down for sweeeet pictures) and here are some of the things i've bought:
Glow leis: To wear at night for safety and awesomeness (how often can you say that?) and for giftingA happy pink flower umbrella because i hear it gets sunny in the desert
Oh and you gotta have a costume or two!
Plus my roommate made me an AWESOME costume, a corset-dress thingy out of a pillowcase and two curtains from Savers. RAD.
Anyway gotta go buy a tent today, and an air mattress. This trip is super expensive (thank god i got the scholarship ticket!!!)* although I'm fucking psyched my computer can fit in my Camelback!! Wow, look at me, my trendy hip Apple laptop in my brand-new purple Camelback! BONUS POINTS: I am wearing a tye-dye skirt
AND THE WIN: I have a big-ass yin-yang tattoo all up my back.
DING DING DING! I'm from Boulder!
...
LOVE it.
AND as part of my preparation for Burning Man, I haven't showered in three days! RAD.
THIS IS HOW I THINK:
i may have just spent $15o on hats, but i figure i save about two dollars a month by not using dryer sheets so i'm pretty much even.
honestly, why do we even NEED dryer sheets? ooohh, static cliiiing. MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
MORE THOUGHTS ON DRYERS
in my new house there is an option on the dryer that is "no heat." which i don't understand because a no-heat drying is like...a crime against laundry. because pretty much the whole point of laundry is to take everything out of the dryer when it's all warm... and hugging it tightly and breathing in the smell of laundry as the lovely warmth encompasses you slowly, gently...
ahem.
ANOTHER ALLCAPS CAPTION
well that was fun.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
i am secretly a hobo
THINGS I HAVE A HARD TIME THROWING AWAY:
Clothing:
it's so hard to throw away a shirt. even if it's old or ripped or horribly stained, it just FEELS wrong to place it on top of banana peels (just kidding, i compost. i'm from boulder) and empty bags and like...stale, modly ends of breads and yogurt lids. WHAT IF SOMEONE WANTED TO WEAR THAT?! Plus people always take it out of the trash can. even if you CAN bring yourself to throw away a super old dirty ripped shirt and muster up the courage (is that the right word here? no. not even a little.) to toss it, someone will INEVITABLY take it out and be like "there was a shirt in the trash" and you were like i KNOW, i THREW IT AWAY and they're like "take it too goodwill" and you're like "IT IS RIPPED ENTIRELY IN HALF AND HAS A KETCHUP STAIN THE SIZE OF TEXAS ON THE BACK" and they're like "how'd you get so much ketchup on...the BACK of your shirt? and why did you keep it so long? didn't you WEAR it after that?" and you're like "DON'T JUDGE ME I AM SECRETELY A HOBO"
Paper:
Or anything recycleable. it makes me twitch to see a soda can or paper in a trash can. in high school, i always yelled at people to recycle when they tried to throw out a piece of paper---once, someone from one of my classes came up to me in the hallway and proudly proclaimed that they recycled today! was i really that crazy about it? probably.
Pens:
Along the lines of a shirt--just seems like it DOES NOT belong in a trash can.
Anything Fancy-Seeming or Cool Containers
I have kept weird shit like my anti-zit stuff because i can't bring myself to throw out the container, because i think it is neat.
APPARENTLY I AM WEIRD
it is my goal in life, after living/traveling throughout south america/the world, to own a tiny house. like a TINY house. and instead of a bed i want a hammock. and instead of a desk, a dining room table, and coffee/end tables, i want one of those super low japanese tea tables and instead of a couch, a bunch of floor cushins. and instead of shelves, i want stacks of books randomly around the room, with candles or plants on top. and instead of furniture, i want nothing. with plants and books everywhere! and a spiral staircase. and a garden. and a gazebo. and a rooftop porch and hottub. and a manslavehouseboy named Manuel. *claps once* "Manuel! Another daquiri!"
I normally loathe rap but lately i've been super into 3OH3!
and saying "super" before every adjective. seriously. today i have said:
"super busy"
"super happy"
"super hungry"
"super awesome"
it just feels quaint, somehow, kinda 50's, to say "super." and "neato." LOVE it.
I want another tattoo(i am....super wanty of a new tattoo? or three?) . i'm thinking about the weird design of a necklace i wore all the time for a long time behind my ear and down my neck. or a BEE behind my ear. LOVE BEES. FUCK WASPS. i have very strong feelings on this. LOUD NOISES. i say that sometimes at Ren Fest, when you spend all day hollering at strangers and harassing the shit out them them to make an ass of themseves on a ladder falling in the hay (hey! you should all come to ren fest!) where was i? ...where AM i?
just kidding.
are you calling me fat?
Clothing:
it's so hard to throw away a shirt. even if it's old or ripped or horribly stained, it just FEELS wrong to place it on top of banana peels (just kidding, i compost. i'm from boulder) and empty bags and like...stale, modly ends of breads and yogurt lids. WHAT IF SOMEONE WANTED TO WEAR THAT?! Plus people always take it out of the trash can. even if you CAN bring yourself to throw away a super old dirty ripped shirt and muster up the courage (is that the right word here? no. not even a little.) to toss it, someone will INEVITABLY take it out and be like "there was a shirt in the trash" and you were like i KNOW, i THREW IT AWAY and they're like "take it too goodwill" and you're like "IT IS RIPPED ENTIRELY IN HALF AND HAS A KETCHUP STAIN THE SIZE OF TEXAS ON THE BACK" and they're like "how'd you get so much ketchup on...the BACK of your shirt? and why did you keep it so long? didn't you WEAR it after that?" and you're like "DON'T JUDGE ME I AM SECRETELY A HOBO"
Paper:
Or anything recycleable. it makes me twitch to see a soda can or paper in a trash can. in high school, i always yelled at people to recycle when they tried to throw out a piece of paper---once, someone from one of my classes came up to me in the hallway and proudly proclaimed that they recycled today! was i really that crazy about it? probably.
Pens:
Along the lines of a shirt--just seems like it DOES NOT belong in a trash can.
Anything Fancy-Seeming or Cool Containers
I have kept weird shit like my anti-zit stuff because i can't bring myself to throw out the container, because i think it is neat.
APPARENTLY I AM WEIRD
it is my goal in life, after living/traveling throughout south america/the world, to own a tiny house. like a TINY house. and instead of a bed i want a hammock. and instead of a desk, a dining room table, and coffee/end tables, i want one of those super low japanese tea tables and instead of a couch, a bunch of floor cushins. and instead of shelves, i want stacks of books randomly around the room, with candles or plants on top. and instead of furniture, i want nothing. with plants and books everywhere! and a spiral staircase. and a garden. and a gazebo. and a rooftop porch and hottub. and a manslavehouseboy named Manuel. *claps once* "Manuel! Another daquiri!"
I normally loathe rap but lately i've been super into 3OH3!
and saying "super" before every adjective. seriously. today i have said:
"super busy"
"super happy"
"super hungry"
"super awesome"
it just feels quaint, somehow, kinda 50's, to say "super." and "neato." LOVE it.
I want another tattoo(i am....super wanty of a new tattoo? or three?) . i'm thinking about the weird design of a necklace i wore all the time for a long time behind my ear and down my neck. or a BEE behind my ear. LOVE BEES. FUCK WASPS. i have very strong feelings on this. LOUD NOISES. i say that sometimes at Ren Fest, when you spend all day hollering at strangers and harassing the shit out them them to make an ass of themseves on a ladder falling in the hay (hey! you should all come to ren fest!) where was i? ...where AM i?
just kidding.
are you calling me fat?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
i am only a skeleton
well i'm sick again. that's what i get for working at a preschool. DAMN KIDS!!! aww no i luvs them. ...(*glances around, sees no children, and shakes fist*)
also, i have a total inability to go to sleep if i have to pee AT ALL, like if i didn't pee within three minutes of getting into bed i will lay there obsessively thinking "should i get up and go pee? i think i kind of have to pee. no i'm probably fine. i barely have to pee. but i kind of have to pee. should i get up and pee?"
anyway this is a problem when i'm sick and drink like three gallons of tea and water+emergenC/airbourne because i'm trying to nip it in the bud (wow, i sound like my grandma. who is fucking INVINCIBLE by the way. what a badass. not that she would approve of me calling her that. probably. i wonder if she even knows what it means. aww my grandma's adorable.) but because i have 2 classes and 2 jobs and 1 boyfriend i never get enough sleep so i stay sick fo evah and it makes me sad and sniffly which pisses everyone off when we're in a test and i'm the back like "SNIIIIIF. HOCCCK. COUGGGGH. HAAACK. SNIIIIFFF" which i totally undersand because i hate it when people do that too.
i hate being sick because i can't (or shouldn't) climb and that makes me sad.
i loved being all hella ripped back in the day and scaring the bejeesus out of girls with my manly muscles and hardcore callouses. seriously. making girls gasp and jump when you flex or just when they see your arms or touch your hands. bwahhahahaha.
i think the british accent is a crock of shit.
this is because british singers DON'T HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT.
SUSPICIOUS??!!! yes. fucking exactly.
also, i can't understand british accents AT ALL, and kept asking "what's he saying? what's going on? can we turn the subtitles on?" when watching Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Boondock Saints. Seriously. I need a translator. They talk all fast and crazy and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE.
also, i can't speak it ("it"=British). although for a while there whenever i was high i only and automatically talked in a british accent (it's SO FUNNY).
so my british accent sucks. most of my accent attempts are pretty sad, and end up being some kind of mixture of indian/british/russian/chinese.
i totally want to hear somebody speak chinese with a british accent.
or russian with a chinese accent.
or any other language, in another other language's accent.
....hehehe.
also, i have a total inability to go to sleep if i have to pee AT ALL, like if i didn't pee within three minutes of getting into bed i will lay there obsessively thinking "should i get up and go pee? i think i kind of have to pee. no i'm probably fine. i barely have to pee. but i kind of have to pee. should i get up and pee?"
anyway this is a problem when i'm sick and drink like three gallons of tea and water+emergenC/airbourne because i'm trying to nip it in the bud (wow, i sound like my grandma. who is fucking INVINCIBLE by the way. what a badass. not that she would approve of me calling her that. probably. i wonder if she even knows what it means. aww my grandma's adorable.) but because i have 2 classes and 2 jobs and 1 boyfriend i never get enough sleep so i stay sick fo evah and it makes me sad and sniffly which pisses everyone off when we're in a test and i'm the back like "SNIIIIIF. HOCCCK. COUGGGGH. HAAACK. SNIIIIFFF" which i totally undersand because i hate it when people do that too.
i hate being sick because i can't (or shouldn't) climb and that makes me sad.
i loved being all hella ripped back in the day and scaring the bejeesus out of girls with my manly muscles and hardcore callouses. seriously. making girls gasp and jump when you flex or just when they see your arms or touch your hands. bwahhahahaha.
i think the british accent is a crock of shit.
this is because british singers DON'T HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT.
SUSPICIOUS??!!! yes. fucking exactly.
also, i can't understand british accents AT ALL, and kept asking "what's he saying? what's going on? can we turn the subtitles on?" when watching Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Boondock Saints. Seriously. I need a translator. They talk all fast and crazy and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE.
also, i can't speak it ("it"=British). although for a while there whenever i was high i only and automatically talked in a british accent (it's SO FUNNY).
so my british accent sucks. most of my accent attempts are pretty sad, and end up being some kind of mixture of indian/british/russian/chinese.
i totally want to hear somebody speak chinese with a british accent.
or russian with a chinese accent.
or any other language, in another other language's accent.
....hehehe.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
i expect unicorns
The dichotomy:
My beautiful ballerina friend this weekend was having the great Mac/PC argument with her husband. When I asked for her advice for which sucks less (my computer takes about 7 minutes to start up and 2 just to open firefox, no shit i've timed this), she asked me several questions. One was "are you organized?"
This is a tricky question because I am on both ends of the spectrum and nowhere really in between.
On the one hand, my closet is color-coded in the order of the rainbow, with shirts within a color organized by length of sleeve. Apparently this is weird?
On the other hand, when taking notes in class, i don't have One Official Notebook. I take notes on the back of syllabi (SHUT UP spellcheck that is a word you fucking anti-Latin case-endings FREAK), on the back of old notes, on scraps of paper, on the inside of folders, and wherever the hell there's space to write because i'm not so organized in that way. As in, I'm incapable of schlepping one of my fucking millions of empty notebooks to class and taking notes on the pages sequentially left to right and not on my arm because i was late again and forgot to get paper and missed the bus again because i had to run inside to get a banana and some challah (pronounced HOLLA!!!) because who the fuck has time to eat in the morning when you set your alarm an hour before you need to go and hit the snooze button four times and then take a twenty-minute shower because hot running water is amazing and i think i lived in a third-world country in a past live given my deep, heartfelt appreciation (and lustful longing for) showers. And run-on sentences, apparently. I blame the blogess. She makes me want to take anti-depressents. (seriously.)
random shit in my mini Moleskines:
-"Sounds and noises and things...is what."
-"I (heart) wigwam)" (picture of a teepee...what is a wigwam anyway? well it's fun to say. wigam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam. and i totally typed all that out becuase i am HARDCORE WOO! fuck copy paste.)
-"They invented the shish-ka-bob"
-"I just had a thought, and the thought was.........oh fuck."
-" oximoronic (in a rap)"
-"band name Anemic Amboeic Amoeic Ameob Amoeba morpheme Amoebaic Amb Amoeba"
-"gay Nazi lady"
-"that thing you said wasn't me, WAS ME."
-"metonymic limerick"
-"nasal velar fricative"
-"winged moonlight/sunrise over Egypt"
and my personal favorite:
"I expect unicorns."
and you know what?
I DO.
My beautiful ballerina friend this weekend was having the great Mac/PC argument with her husband. When I asked for her advice for which sucks less (my computer takes about 7 minutes to start up and 2 just to open firefox, no shit i've timed this), she asked me several questions. One was "are you organized?"
This is a tricky question because I am on both ends of the spectrum and nowhere really in between.
On the one hand, my closet is color-coded in the order of the rainbow, with shirts within a color organized by length of sleeve. Apparently this is weird?
On the other hand, when taking notes in class, i don't have One Official Notebook. I take notes on the back of syllabi (SHUT UP spellcheck that is a word you fucking anti-Latin case-endings FREAK), on the back of old notes, on scraps of paper, on the inside of folders, and wherever the hell there's space to write because i'm not so organized in that way. As in, I'm incapable of schlepping one of my fucking millions of empty notebooks to class and taking notes on the pages sequentially left to right and not on my arm because i was late again and forgot to get paper and missed the bus again because i had to run inside to get a banana and some challah (pronounced HOLLA!!!) because who the fuck has time to eat in the morning when you set your alarm an hour before you need to go and hit the snooze button four times and then take a twenty-minute shower because hot running water is amazing and i think i lived in a third-world country in a past live given my deep, heartfelt appreciation (and lustful longing for) showers. And run-on sentences, apparently. I blame the blogess. She makes me want to take anti-depressents. (seriously.)
random shit in my mini Moleskines:
-"Sounds and noises and things...is what."
-"I (heart) wigwam)" (picture of a teepee...what is a wigwam anyway? well it's fun to say. wigam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam wigwam. and i totally typed all that out becuase i am HARDCORE WOO! fuck copy paste.)
-"They invented the shish-ka-bob"
-"I just had a thought, and the thought was.........oh fuck."
-" oximoronic (in a rap)"
-"band name Anemic Amboeic Amoeic Ameob Amoeba morpheme Amoebaic Amb Amoeba"
-"gay Nazi lady"
-"that thing you said wasn't me, WAS ME."
-"metonymic limerick"
-"nasal velar fricative"
-"winged moonlight/sunrise over Egypt"
and my personal favorite:
"I expect unicorns."
and you know what?
I DO.
Friday, April 17, 2009
i am fairlyliterate
Does anybody "Tweet"? I "Tweet" now. I am cool. I am popular. I have no friends.
I am fairlyliterate.
That is my Twitter name.
If you're on, you should friendify me.
Which is, by the way, a totally convincing and logical argument.
Also, join my cult.
A conversation about it between me and a Logic/Philosophy teacher/friend:
Me: Are you on Twitter? My sister just convinced me to join.
Him: What's her argument?
Me: She didn't really have an argument. She just said I should. And she's a smart lady.
Him: You call that convincing? It's time for Steve to kill you.
I am fairlyliterate.
That is my Twitter name.
If you're on, you should friendify me.
Which is, by the way, a totally convincing and logical argument.
Also, join my cult.
A conversation about it between me and a Logic/Philosophy teacher/friend:
Me: Are you on Twitter? My sister just convinced me to join.
Him: What's her argument?
Me: She didn't really have an argument. She just said I should. And she's a smart lady.
Him: You call that convincing? It's time for Steve to kill you.
Monday, April 13, 2009
where is threre?
your youness interrupting my new meness
reminding me of the scattered erupting old shiny sadness
so i try to smile for a while
breathe and hold your color
remind me that i am me
my color holding fast and steady
electric blue
sad smile
fuck you
i look back at you and see
not a rational human being
but a robot comma drama queen
i want to just unlink me
screaming or silentquietly
sometimes songs are how i feel
reminding me of the scattered erupting old shiny sadness
so i try to smile for a while
breathe and hold your color
remind me that i am me
my color holding fast and steady
electric blue
sad smile
fuck you
i look back at you and see
not a rational human being
but a robot comma drama queen
i want to just unlink me
screaming or silentquietly
sometimes songs are how i feel
Friday, April 3, 2009
Fuck college attendance
Fuck college attendance.
Because you know what? Taking daily attendance and having it be a part of students' grade is...how shall I say this....utterly retarded.
If you're going to ditch, you're going to ditch. If you're going to ditch and mandatory attendance prevents it, then the teacher is helping the slackers who wouldn't come to class UNLESS there was mandatory attendance. Counting attendance does NOTHING to help the students who ALREADY go to class anyway, because they're already getting good grades.
Skipping class should presumably its own deterrent anyway, because missing classes=missing information=shitty grades. So slackers already have this lack of attendance reflected in their grades without the separate attendance portion---the required attendance portion, if it does exist and causes said slacker to go to class more, just brings up the grade of someone who totally does not deserve it because they are a lazy fuck.
All counting attendance does for people who go to class anyway, like me, is to fuck them over when they get sick nine times a semester because they work at a preschool.
All counting attendance does for people who wouldn't go to class without it, is help the grades of undeserving people.
PLUS: I believe that if you can get a good grade in the class without having to go (often because the teacher is shitty, teaches out of the book, repeats what you already know, and is generally wasting your time), you should be able to. It just means that the teacher sucked--if you can get all of the information on your own, via the textbook, then sitting in class reviewing what you previously understood is a waste.
Counting attendance is a weak way for teachers to attempt to get kids to come to class, when if they were decent teachers, the kids who didn't come to class would get fucked over in their grade.
I had one Spanish literature teacher who designed the following schedule:
1. Assign a reading.
2. Assign reading questions as homework with the reading.
3. In class, split into small groups and discuss the reading questions.
4. Next, the class as a whole discusses the reading questions.
And--she counted attendance.
It infuriated me. If you understand the reading when you read it, the reading questions themselves are already redundant. Discussing in small groups is angering, because you've already been over the material twice (and, in the case of Spanish classes, you have to deal with sororiwhores who didn't do/understand the reading, barely speak/read/understand and don't even LIKE Spanish--which is their fucking major). So by the time it came to the group discussion, I'd be bored out of my head, and pissed off at the fact that this waste of my time was a portion of my grade.
Oh--and everyone liked the teacher, because she was "nice." And they were dumb.
I had another teacher who taught out of the book--but she was good at it. So nobody noticed, except the one other linguistics major in the class, which I found entertaining. I spent my days in that class (again, required attendance!) watching the soristitutues diligently taking notes in their neat, rounded handwriting, while I LITERALLY underlined the relevant sentence in the book. Because the teacher said nothing that was not in the fucking textbook--and yet she made us come to class.
TEACHERS: Don't try to "help" us by "encouraging" us to come to class via required attendance. If you class is useful, people will come (and if they don't, they deserve the grade they get). If your class is worthless, you are wasting my time.
Because you know what? Taking daily attendance and having it be a part of students' grade is...how shall I say this....utterly retarded.
If you're going to ditch, you're going to ditch. If you're going to ditch and mandatory attendance prevents it, then the teacher is helping the slackers who wouldn't come to class UNLESS there was mandatory attendance. Counting attendance does NOTHING to help the students who ALREADY go to class anyway, because they're already getting good grades.
Skipping class should presumably its own deterrent anyway, because missing classes=missing information=shitty grades. So slackers already have this lack of attendance reflected in their grades without the separate attendance portion---the required attendance portion, if it does exist and causes said slacker to go to class more, just brings up the grade of someone who totally does not deserve it because they are a lazy fuck.
All counting attendance does for people who go to class anyway, like me, is to fuck them over when they get sick nine times a semester because they work at a preschool.
All counting attendance does for people who wouldn't go to class without it, is help the grades of undeserving people.
PLUS: I believe that if you can get a good grade in the class without having to go (often because the teacher is shitty, teaches out of the book, repeats what you already know, and is generally wasting your time), you should be able to. It just means that the teacher sucked--if you can get all of the information on your own, via the textbook, then sitting in class reviewing what you previously understood is a waste.
Counting attendance is a weak way for teachers to attempt to get kids to come to class, when if they were decent teachers, the kids who didn't come to class would get fucked over in their grade.
I had one Spanish literature teacher who designed the following schedule:
1. Assign a reading.
2. Assign reading questions as homework with the reading.
3. In class, split into small groups and discuss the reading questions.
4. Next, the class as a whole discusses the reading questions.
And--she counted attendance.
It infuriated me. If you understand the reading when you read it, the reading questions themselves are already redundant. Discussing in small groups is angering, because you've already been over the material twice (and, in the case of Spanish classes, you have to deal with sororiwhores who didn't do/understand the reading, barely speak/read/understand and don't even LIKE Spanish--which is their fucking major). So by the time it came to the group discussion, I'd be bored out of my head, and pissed off at the fact that this waste of my time was a portion of my grade.
Oh--and everyone liked the teacher, because she was "nice." And they were dumb.
I had another teacher who taught out of the book--but she was good at it. So nobody noticed, except the one other linguistics major in the class, which I found entertaining. I spent my days in that class (again, required attendance!) watching the soristitutues diligently taking notes in their neat, rounded handwriting, while I LITERALLY underlined the relevant sentence in the book. Because the teacher said nothing that was not in the fucking textbook--and yet she made us come to class.
TEACHERS: Don't try to "help" us by "encouraging" us to come to class via required attendance. If you class is useful, people will come (and if they don't, they deserve the grade they get). If your class is worthless, you are wasting my time.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
at least i am a superhero.
So apparently, when a movie gets universally excellent reviews about how "deep" and "affecting" it is, i should never, ever go see it.
Reason 1:
i am really, really, really easily creeped out.
When i was little, i had a genuine phobia of Oompaloompas. i had a really sadistic friend* who figured out how to play that horrible Oompaloompa song on her clarinet just to flip me out during band class. One halloween, the math and art teachers at my middle school who were getting married DRESSED UP AS OOMPALOOMPAS (who DOES that??!?) and this girl--you guessed it!!!--voraciously (is that the right word?) flagged them down and insisted they sit by me, while i curled up, hyperventalating.
*this sadistic friend is the girl that, when we were little, would invite me over to watch Titanic in elementary school just to turn around in her chair and watch me with glee as i cried when Leonardo DiCaprio died.** This is the same girl who, knowing my utter inability to not-vomit at the sight of other people's blood (a reversal; i was fine with the sight of my own blood, and, in high school, pretty darn excited about it) would turn on medical dramas and literally force my eyes open as i squirmed and they cut innards open and whatnot. This girl is now, funnily enough, a nurse.
ah, friendship.
**HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIT TWO PEOPLE ON A DOOR?!
Anyway, all that was leading up to the fact that i didn't really like Coraline., *GASP!* you say! well, i didn't DISLIKE it, and i totally APPRECIATED the art and the concept and the Neil Gaiman-ness of it all, but i just found it too creepy to really enjoy. they did a really good job of that. so creepy i don't want to wach it. congratulations.
Reason 2: I don't like bad guys.
Disney movies are honestly a little too dark for me sometimes, and i would prefer if they didn't have bad guys.
I had less ambivalent feelings about There Will Be Blood than Coraline. I fucking HATED that godawful, depressing, slow, dull, depressing, deprssing, depressing horrible movie. I watched it with the boyfriend and his brother and the whole time we were just sitting there like "why are we still watching this?" eventually the two of them did stop watching, but, with the same optimistic, naiive tenacaity that insisted i stick it out through 4 years of on-off emotionally abusive relationship with the ex, i watched the whole thing ("the end will make it worth it..."). which i was later ACTUALLY glad about when Roommate showed me this gem of a parody: There Will Be Bud. Anyway, what is the POINT of watching a movie where you hate ALL the characters, have lost faith in ALL of humanity, and are horribly depressed and hope everyone in the movie just fucking dies a horrible violent death.
And again, I appreciated it. The concept, the cinematics, blah blah blah. I just didn't fucking LIKE it.
So i got my wisdom teeth out. it is spring break. woo.
i have spent the last four days lying on my couch drinking soup and smoothies and watching the first three seasons of the Office and even had a most-exciting bout with vomiting the day after the surgery! And yes, violently puking up acid over open wounds and bleeding gums is about as awesome as it sounds.
so yeah.
at least i am a superhero.
(thanks, Ally B)
Reason 1:
i am really, really, really easily creeped out.
When i was little, i had a genuine phobia of Oompaloompas. i had a really sadistic friend* who figured out how to play that horrible Oompaloompa song on her clarinet just to flip me out during band class. One halloween, the math and art teachers at my middle school who were getting married DRESSED UP AS OOMPALOOMPAS (who DOES that??!?) and this girl--you guessed it!!!--voraciously (is that the right word?) flagged them down and insisted they sit by me, while i curled up, hyperventalating.
*this sadistic friend is the girl that, when we were little, would invite me over to watch Titanic in elementary school just to turn around in her chair and watch me with glee as i cried when Leonardo DiCaprio died.** This is the same girl who, knowing my utter inability to not-vomit at the sight of other people's blood (a reversal; i was fine with the sight of my own blood, and, in high school, pretty darn excited about it) would turn on medical dramas and literally force my eyes open as i squirmed and they cut innards open and whatnot. This girl is now, funnily enough, a nurse.
ah, friendship.
**HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FIT TWO PEOPLE ON A DOOR?!
Anyway, all that was leading up to the fact that i didn't really like Coraline., *GASP!* you say! well, i didn't DISLIKE it, and i totally APPRECIATED the art and the concept and the Neil Gaiman-ness of it all, but i just found it too creepy to really enjoy. they did a really good job of that. so creepy i don't want to wach it. congratulations.
Reason 2: I don't like bad guys.
Disney movies are honestly a little too dark for me sometimes, and i would prefer if they didn't have bad guys.
I had less ambivalent feelings about There Will Be Blood than Coraline. I fucking HATED that godawful, depressing, slow, dull, depressing, deprssing, depressing horrible movie. I watched it with the boyfriend and his brother and the whole time we were just sitting there like "why are we still watching this?" eventually the two of them did stop watching, but, with the same optimistic, naiive tenacaity that insisted i stick it out through 4 years of on-off emotionally abusive relationship with the ex, i watched the whole thing ("the end will make it worth it..."). which i was later ACTUALLY glad about when Roommate showed me this gem of a parody: There Will Be Bud. Anyway, what is the POINT of watching a movie where you hate ALL the characters, have lost faith in ALL of humanity, and are horribly depressed and hope everyone in the movie just fucking dies a horrible violent death.
And again, I appreciated it. The concept, the cinematics, blah blah blah. I just didn't fucking LIKE it.
So i got my wisdom teeth out. it is spring break. woo.
i have spent the last four days lying on my couch drinking soup and smoothies and watching the first three seasons of the Office and even had a most-exciting bout with vomiting the day after the surgery! And yes, violently puking up acid over open wounds and bleeding gums is about as awesome as it sounds.
so yeah.
at least i am a superhero.
(thanks, Ally B)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
hokey dokey
Sometimes I realize randomly that people are at different stages in their lives. It's obvious, but sometimes i just stop and realize that not everyone is in college right now, or grew up with Rocko's Modern Life and Salute Your Shorts. Right now, as i'm sleep-deprived college kid, happily not hungover from St. Patrick's Day, constantly bitching about school and so busy and tired i sometimes just want to cry, some people are just beginning life. Seriously. Think about it. People are being born RIGHT NOW. They'll grow up with digital cameras, not Poloroids and film, with MP3s and iPods, not Discmans and CDs. They'll grow up with Obama as president and the ice caps melting and the war in Iraq--those will be their childhood memories. Some people are just beginning life. Some people are about to leave it--they grew up with world wars, with the Depression, with record players. We live in a similar timeframe as so few people. Constant renewal. Constant surprise.
Well it's been really hard to focus lately. I think i burned myself out at the beginning of the semester when i was going hella strong---going to school, then work, then studying/homeworking for seven hours before bed and feeling guilty if i spent twenty minutes on Facebook. and now...now all i want to do is sleep. Last week was so bad and i was so sleep-deprived. that i pretty much didn't give a shit about papers, projects, homework, or class. All i cared about was sleep. I haven't really gotten over that.
And the next person who talks about their flight to Hawaii or fucking whatever is getting their ovaries punched. The fact that i'm excited about spring break at ALL is kind of amazing considering my plans are: Getting my wisom teeth out. WOOOOOOOOO! People were handing out "spring break packets" or some shit on campus today, probably sunscreen and condoms. Just rub it in why don't you! My "spring break kit" will be vikodin and ice cream.
Okay, so maybe it won't be so bad...
And while i may have spent the last three inconsistently-capitalized-and-indented paragraphs bitching about shit that doesn't matter (oh how Buddhist of me) i just HAVE to say that i am really, really, really sick of people flipping out whenever Facebook changes their layout. Everyone's all "OH GOD THIS SUCKS BRING THE OLD ONE BACK I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS MY FURY AT THE SLIGHT INCONVENIENE OF INEVITABLE CHANGE" when last time Facebook changed their layout, everyone flipped out. And the NEXT time they change it, everyone will be begging for this one. I don't get what the big deal is. I don't even remember what the old one was like, or why any of this shit matters to anyone at all.
have i mentioned i'd kill for a nap?
Well it's been really hard to focus lately. I think i burned myself out at the beginning of the semester when i was going hella strong---going to school, then work, then studying/homeworking for seven hours before bed and feeling guilty if i spent twenty minutes on Facebook. and now...now all i want to do is sleep. Last week was so bad and i was so sleep-deprived. that i pretty much didn't give a shit about papers, projects, homework, or class. All i cared about was sleep. I haven't really gotten over that.
And the next person who talks about their flight to Hawaii or fucking whatever is getting their ovaries punched. The fact that i'm excited about spring break at ALL is kind of amazing considering my plans are: Getting my wisom teeth out. WOOOOOOOOO! People were handing out "spring break packets" or some shit on campus today, probably sunscreen and condoms. Just rub it in why don't you! My "spring break kit" will be vikodin and ice cream.
Okay, so maybe it won't be so bad...
And while i may have spent the last three inconsistently-capitalized-and-indented paragraphs bitching about shit that doesn't matter (oh how Buddhist of me) i just HAVE to say that i am really, really, really sick of people flipping out whenever Facebook changes their layout. Everyone's all "OH GOD THIS SUCKS BRING THE OLD ONE BACK I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS TO EXPRESS MY FURY AT THE SLIGHT INCONVENIENE OF INEVITABLE CHANGE" when last time Facebook changed their layout, everyone flipped out. And the NEXT time they change it, everyone will be begging for this one. I don't get what the big deal is. I don't even remember what the old one was like, or why any of this shit matters to anyone at all.
have i mentioned i'd kill for a nap?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
hobo gauntlet
wrote this for first day of writing class last month.
Mid-winter...I love days like today, my favorite beauty is the rare misty mystery fog, the gray homogeny reminiscent of sipping coffee in London. Silence, fog of breath. I feel detail detracts from the simplicity, starkness.
Footprints in snow, solitary stone bench.
Then--vestiges of determination! Last remaining leaves clinging to skeleton trees.
And the always evergreen--this it their time to shine.
and this i wrote just now:
ubiquitous coquettish
smile of a style
walking like you're stalking
the he who haunted you.
like hot oversteeped
cinnamon tea
too good for your own good
i hate it-- walking from CU, through the underpass up to Espresso Roma. it's like a FUCKING GUANTLET.
it's TWO fucking blocks, but there are, in this order...1) Dude at bottom of underpass stairs passing out fliers silently so YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE FOR. so NO, i'm not taking one, because last time it was a FLIER FOR JESUS.
(OPTIONAL: Homeless guy playing jazz saxaphone)
2) 3-5 homeless guys at the top of the stairs asking "spare any change?"
3.) THREE, not one or two but THREE, Greenpeace people kindly but aggressively trying to get you to talk to them in anyway (one of them said "You look like a superhero! What's your name?" and stretched out his hand")
My usual response to ANYONE who asks me for ANYTHING is a smile and "sorry." Even the guy who asked me my name, with his hand fucking stretched out to shake mine. I'm on to you! I will not be trapped into innocent conversation turning into me giving my credit card number to a stranger on the street! I don't care if it's for greenpeace! Anyway the dude was like "Your name's not 'sorry'!" And i just kept walking. Like, I feel kinda bad, and I know it's your job, but at least i didn't totally ignore you.
Another good option, one that makes them leave you alone but also makes them happy and also makes you a total liar is: "I'm a member." I'd say that to EVERYONE (k, except the homeless guys....that'd be weird.) and they get all pumped like "RIGHT ON! thanks for your support! have a rockin' day!" And i'd walk on, smug. I win.
Actually it wasn't a lie when i said it to the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) guy because i was a member. So i'm not ENTIRELY a HORRIBLE human being. Although...
another funny thing i kinda want to start saying is "Nope, I'm a horrible person!" with a cheery smile anytime somene asks me for change or if i have a minute for the environment.
ha.
i bought this today
because i wanted it.
because my current bag is a fucking hobo bag. and by "fucking hobo bag" i mean it's a nice-looking fake-leather over-the-shoulder black bag. but the seams are fraying because it's a cheap-ass peice of shit that makes me look like a fucking hobo. a hobo with a full-length fitted wool coat, dark-wash skinny jeans and cute flats. a fucking hobo.
i have noooooo idea why, but the other day totally randomly this phrase popped into my head: (and about no one in particular, or no one...not in particular) "The hottest thing about her is that she's not morbidly obese."
3 quality reasons to hate me:
1. I hate beer
2. I hate sushi
3. i hate cheesecake
hate away!
i have found TWO people, in my ENTIRE life, who also hate cheesecake. and not just like "meh, i don't really enjoy cheesecake" but "FUCK that! FUCK that shit. WHO PUTS CREAM CHEESE IN A DESERT?!" and one of them made a Facebook group with the acronym C.H.E.E.S.E.C.A.K.E:
really, just take a second and think about it. cheesecake. Cheese. Cake. CHEESE. and CAKE. CHEEEEEEEESE. and CAAAAAAAKE! ONEWORD.
You disgust me.
Mid-winter...I love days like today, my favorite beauty is the rare misty mystery fog, the gray homogeny reminiscent of sipping coffee in London. Silence, fog of breath. I feel detail detracts from the simplicity, starkness.
Footprints in snow, solitary stone bench.
Then--vestiges of determination! Last remaining leaves clinging to skeleton trees.
And the always evergreen--this it their time to shine.
and this i wrote just now:
ubiquitous coquettish
smile of a style
walking like you're stalking
the he who haunted you.
like hot oversteeped
cinnamon tea
too good for your own good
i hate it-- walking from CU, through the underpass up to Espresso Roma. it's like a FUCKING GUANTLET.
it's TWO fucking blocks, but there are, in this order...1) Dude at bottom of underpass stairs passing out fliers silently so YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE FOR. so NO, i'm not taking one, because last time it was a FLIER FOR JESUS.
(OPTIONAL: Homeless guy playing jazz saxaphone)
2) 3-5 homeless guys at the top of the stairs asking "spare any change?"
3.) THREE, not one or two but THREE, Greenpeace people kindly but aggressively trying to get you to talk to them in anyway (one of them said "You look like a superhero! What's your name?" and stretched out his hand")
My usual response to ANYONE who asks me for ANYTHING is a smile and "sorry." Even the guy who asked me my name, with his hand fucking stretched out to shake mine. I'm on to you! I will not be trapped into innocent conversation turning into me giving my credit card number to a stranger on the street! I don't care if it's for greenpeace! Anyway the dude was like "Your name's not 'sorry'!" And i just kept walking. Like, I feel kinda bad, and I know it's your job, but at least i didn't totally ignore you.
Another good option, one that makes them leave you alone but also makes them happy and also makes you a total liar is: "I'm a member." I'd say that to EVERYONE (k, except the homeless guys....that'd be weird.) and they get all pumped like "RIGHT ON! thanks for your support! have a rockin' day!" And i'd walk on, smug. I win.
Actually it wasn't a lie when i said it to the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) guy because i was a member. So i'm not ENTIRELY a HORRIBLE human being. Although...
another funny thing i kinda want to start saying is "Nope, I'm a horrible person!" with a cheery smile anytime somene asks me for change or if i have a minute for the environment.
ha.
i bought this today
because i wanted it.
because my current bag is a fucking hobo bag. and by "fucking hobo bag" i mean it's a nice-looking fake-leather over-the-shoulder black bag. but the seams are fraying because it's a cheap-ass peice of shit that makes me look like a fucking hobo. a hobo with a full-length fitted wool coat, dark-wash skinny jeans and cute flats. a fucking hobo.
i have noooooo idea why, but the other day totally randomly this phrase popped into my head: (and about no one in particular, or no one...not in particular) "The hottest thing about her is that she's not morbidly obese."
3 quality reasons to hate me:
1. I hate beer
2. I hate sushi
3. i hate cheesecake
hate away!
i have found TWO people, in my ENTIRE life, who also hate cheesecake. and not just like "meh, i don't really enjoy cheesecake" but "FUCK that! FUCK that shit. WHO PUTS CREAM CHEESE IN A DESERT?!" and one of them made a Facebook group with the acronym C.H.E.E.S.E.C.A.K.E:
Cheesecake Haters: Earnestly Execrating Supposedly Edible Cheesecake, And Killing Eaters-of.
really, just take a second and think about it. cheesecake. Cheese. Cake. CHEESE. and CAKE. CHEEEEEEEESE. and CAAAAAAAKE! ONEWORD.
You disgust me.
Monday, February 2, 2009
does this insecurity make my butt look big?
Okay, this is probably one of the weirdest things i've ever seen on a snack food item :
"May our White Cheddar Bunnies remind you of both the real and magical in life."
wow, Annie's. that's a pretty high expectation for CHEESE CRACKERS-- i don't care if they're organic. there's just nothing about delicious, cheesy, rabbit-shaped crunchy bits that reminds me of the "magical" in life.
although if i ever eat those while on drugs, i'll let you know if that changes.
well last night (friday) i had a pretty good night, although part of me still feels like i should feel like a loser for spending it at home cleaning my room dancing around and drinking wine alone. but i don't ACTUALLY feel like a loser, i just feel like i SHOULD feel like a loser for not spending fifty dollars on drinks at a bar with all my Friends as we obsessively document the Event to prove it happened ("if it's not on Facebook, it's like it never happened.")
plus, i totally HAVE friends, AND i hung out with BOTH of them yesterday.
so HA!
lately i've been wanting to give all my stuff away (okay i usually want to do that, and am actually doing a ton of it this weekend), move to another city (what city? any city. preferably abroad, and one that speaks another language) and change my name to Robot.
I'd also prefer to never have to wear pants again (as previously mentioned--fuck pants.) but apparently places have "Laws" about things like that. fuckin' A.
Maybe i'll found a city--Pantslessland...and everything will be open 24 hours for my convenience when i'm up at 4 in the morning and want some indian food or whatever.
one of my favorite, most favorite, most favorite, mostMOST favoritest things ever is walking my dog at night. it's cool, it's quiet, no one is around, and i get to be a creeper! YAY! creepin around. although i recently tried to stalk a friend of mine and found out that i'm like, the WORST stalker ever, so you have nothing to worry about.
unless you're that guy who watches the news every night at 9, in the house with the painting of a ship in the living room.
that's right.
(note: that was ALL A JOKE)
((i'm actually a really, really good stalker.))
holy shit i love being creepy.
one of my favorite things to do is think about where bands get their names, and i recently came across what is officially, in my book, THE BEST BAND NAME EVER: (particularly given my personal preference for likely interesting band-name etymologies:)
Brad Sucks
AND, (one of?) their album(s) name(s) is: "I Don't Know What I'm Doing."
fucking fanTAStic. i LOVE it.
OH MY GOD I JUST THOUGHT OF THE BEST PLAYA NAME EVER.
"Your Excellency"
holy SHIT i crack myself up.
by the way, that is totally copywrighted..copywritten? (WTF english) and by that i mean if anyone ever introduces themselves to me as "Your Excellency" i will stab you in the face.
...hopefully i never meet anyone who is ACTUALLY important.
stabbing the queen or a prime minister or whatever would be slightly embarrassing.
hmm. hopefully The Government has a sense of humor, because i'd really prefer to not be arrested for saying ridiculous things on the internet.
like ...schhhhNOOOBERFLAVEN!
that was pretty ridiculous.
"May our White Cheddar Bunnies remind you of both the real and magical in life."
wow, Annie's. that's a pretty high expectation for CHEESE CRACKERS-- i don't care if they're organic. there's just nothing about delicious, cheesy, rabbit-shaped crunchy bits that reminds me of the "magical" in life.
although if i ever eat those while on drugs, i'll let you know if that changes.
well last night (friday) i had a pretty good night, although part of me still feels like i should feel like a loser for spending it at home cleaning my room dancing around and drinking wine alone. but i don't ACTUALLY feel like a loser, i just feel like i SHOULD feel like a loser for not spending fifty dollars on drinks at a bar with all my Friends as we obsessively document the Event to prove it happened ("if it's not on Facebook, it's like it never happened.")
plus, i totally HAVE friends, AND i hung out with BOTH of them yesterday.
so HA!
lately i've been wanting to give all my stuff away (okay i usually want to do that, and am actually doing a ton of it this weekend), move to another city (what city? any city. preferably abroad, and one that speaks another language) and change my name to Robot.
I'd also prefer to never have to wear pants again (as previously mentioned--fuck pants.) but apparently places have "Laws" about things like that. fuckin' A.
Maybe i'll found a city--Pantslessland...and everything will be open 24 hours for my convenience when i'm up at 4 in the morning and want some indian food or whatever.
one of my favorite, most favorite, most favorite, mostMOST favoritest things ever is walking my dog at night. it's cool, it's quiet, no one is around, and i get to be a creeper! YAY! creepin around. although i recently tried to stalk a friend of mine and found out that i'm like, the WORST stalker ever, so you have nothing to worry about.
unless you're that guy who watches the news every night at 9, in the house with the painting of a ship in the living room.
that's right.
(note: that was ALL A JOKE)
((i'm actually a really, really good stalker.))
holy shit i love being creepy.
one of my favorite things to do is think about where bands get their names, and i recently came across what is officially, in my book, THE BEST BAND NAME EVER: (particularly given my personal preference for likely interesting band-name etymologies:)
Brad Sucks
AND, (one of?) their album(s) name(s) is: "I Don't Know What I'm Doing."
fucking fanTAStic. i LOVE it.
OH MY GOD I JUST THOUGHT OF THE BEST PLAYA NAME EVER.
"Your Excellency"
holy SHIT i crack myself up.
by the way, that is totally copywrighted..copywritten? (WTF english) and by that i mean if anyone ever introduces themselves to me as "Your Excellency" i will stab you in the face.
...hopefully i never meet anyone who is ACTUALLY important.
stabbing the queen or a prime minister or whatever would be slightly embarrassing.
hmm. hopefully The Government has a sense of humor, because i'd really prefer to not be arrested for saying ridiculous things on the internet.
like ...schhhhNOOOBERFLAVEN!
that was pretty ridiculous.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
All aboard the failboat!
Task: Figure out what "parallel" means in the following texts.
TEXT 1: While persons okay indulge gardeners , the rears often strike in back of the dreadful businesss . You won't trade me shoping on the part of your molecular location . He
will ride barely , unless Ralph ships parallels in connection with Abdul 's insider . A lot of environmental exams are universal and other sorry variables are confused , but
will Jbilou long that ? Sheri tosses , then Talal fondly marchs a likely appendix among Zack 's horizon .
OPTIONS FOR MEANING OF "PARALLEL"
1: (cause to) be parallel to; equal
* Syntax Is: NP1 PARALLEL NP2 (to) (NP3)
"They paralleled the ditch to the highway."
"Their roles are paralleled by ours."
2: duplicate, match
* Syntax Is: NP1 PARALLEL NP2
"The white canvas paralleled his pale appearance."
3: None of the Above
TEXT 2:
We can't calm trusts unless Ziad will never drown afterwards . She 'd split primarily than stem with Ella 's creative polymer . I am eventually parallel , so I land you . Christopher , have a reasonable farm . You won't adopt it .
Hi! So you're all sitting there like "what the fuck dood." And I'm all "i KNOW, right??!"
WHAT THE FUCK DOOD and by DOOD i mean WORK. At this point, the only possible explanation i have come up with for the above sentences is that my supervervisors are just seeing if we're even paying attention. And also, is it just me or are the 2 possible meanings for "parallel" EXACTLY FUCKING THE SAME? Yes, yes they are.
In other news (do I even have another transition? No.)* i had my 21st birthday last Monday! Actually it fell on this year's Chinese New Year, which was pretty cool, and is also the reason NOBODY CAN FREAKING TELL ME whether i am a Rabbit or a Dragon. I was voting Dragon for a long time (come on, RABBIT??! come on.) but now i kind of don't care. Anyway, sadly, i discovered that the bars are boring. Not that this is all that sad, really. And by "the bars" i do mean "i went to one bar with a dance floor and danced a little bit, didn't drink at all, got bored and left."
Man, the things that make me lose my faith in humanity. Like this one chubbyasfuck little Asian chick who was about 5 feet tall with stilettos on with huge boobs who strutted up to me and my friend Val asking "Can i dance with you? You guys are hot" and proceeded to grind up against Val and then me, as i sent terrified PLEASESAVEME looks across to my boyfriend. *Shudder.* And that was before all the drunkies arrived! Like the guy with the Pedophile Moustache who kept staring at me. Ew.
Anyway, I'm rooting for Denver and going to go dancing there, where they actually have DANCE MUSIC instead of Top 40 hip-hop bullshit that ALL the drunk frat girls (what's that term? soriwhore? soristitute?) in the bar know the words to and sing along to loudly, and most horrifingly, PUT THEIR HANDS UP IN THE AIR when the songperson sings "put your hands up in the air."
*This reminds me of one of my many, many favorite Simpsons quotes:
"Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
Hoo boy! Well I'm spent. I haven't written in a while because I am a total failboat, but...well, i didn't really have and ending planned for that sentence. Let's just end this with "I am a total failboat."*
*Actually, i said "failboat" the other day at dinner with my dad and he asked what a "failboat" was and i explained that it could be anything, but that it's an internet caption thing having to do with boats or, er, failed "boats" and that a good example would be a guy riding a bicycle into the ocean with the caption "FAILBOAT." not that i've ever actually seen that, but it really WOULD be a good example of failboat and now i'm sad it doesn't exist.
Yet.
TEXT 1: While persons okay indulge gardeners , the rears often strike in back of the dreadful businesss . You won't trade me shoping on the part of your molecular location . He
will ride barely , unless Ralph ships parallels in connection with Abdul 's insider . A lot of environmental exams are universal and other sorry variables are confused , but
will Jbilou long that ? Sheri tosses , then Talal fondly marchs a likely appendix among Zack 's horizon .
OPTIONS FOR MEANING OF "PARALLEL"
1: (cause to) be parallel to; equal
* Syntax Is: NP1 PARALLEL NP2 (to) (NP3)
"They paralleled the ditch to the highway."
"Their roles are paralleled by ours."
2: duplicate, match
* Syntax Is: NP1 PARALLEL NP2
"The white canvas paralleled his pale appearance."
3: None of the Above
TEXT 2:
We can't calm trusts unless Ziad will never drown afterwards . She 'd split primarily than stem with Ella 's creative polymer . I am eventually parallel , so I land you . Christopher , have a reasonable farm . You won't adopt it .
Hi! So you're all sitting there like "what the fuck dood." And I'm all "i KNOW, right??!"
WHAT THE FUCK DOOD and by DOOD i mean WORK. At this point, the only possible explanation i have come up with for the above sentences is that my supervervisors are just seeing if we're even paying attention. And also, is it just me or are the 2 possible meanings for "parallel" EXACTLY FUCKING THE SAME? Yes, yes they are.
In other news (do I even have another transition? No.)* i had my 21st birthday last Monday! Actually it fell on this year's Chinese New Year, which was pretty cool, and is also the reason NOBODY CAN FREAKING TELL ME whether i am a Rabbit or a Dragon. I was voting Dragon for a long time (come on, RABBIT??! come on.) but now i kind of don't care. Anyway, sadly, i discovered that the bars are boring. Not that this is all that sad, really. And by "the bars" i do mean "i went to one bar with a dance floor and danced a little bit, didn't drink at all, got bored and left."
Man, the things that make me lose my faith in humanity. Like this one chubbyasfuck little Asian chick who was about 5 feet tall with stilettos on with huge boobs who strutted up to me and my friend Val asking "Can i dance with you? You guys are hot" and proceeded to grind up against Val and then me, as i sent terrified PLEASESAVEME looks across to my boyfriend. *Shudder.* And that was before all the drunkies arrived! Like the guy with the Pedophile Moustache who kept staring at me. Ew.
Anyway, I'm rooting for Denver and going to go dancing there, where they actually have DANCE MUSIC instead of Top 40 hip-hop bullshit that ALL the drunk frat girls (what's that term? soriwhore? soristitute?) in the bar know the words to and sing along to loudly, and most horrifingly, PUT THEIR HANDS UP IN THE AIR when the songperson sings "put your hands up in the air."
*This reminds me of one of my many, many favorite Simpsons quotes:
"Hello. I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounters is true. And by true, I mean false. It's all lies. But they're entertaining lies. And in the end, isn't that the real truth? The answer is: No."
Hoo boy! Well I'm spent. I haven't written in a while because I am a total failboat, but...well, i didn't really have and ending planned for that sentence. Let's just end this with "I am a total failboat."*
*Actually, i said "failboat" the other day at dinner with my dad and he asked what a "failboat" was and i explained that it could be anything, but that it's an internet caption thing having to do with boats or, er, failed "boats" and that a good example would be a guy riding a bicycle into the ocean with the caption "FAILBOAT." not that i've ever actually seen that, but it really WOULD be a good example of failboat and now i'm sad it doesn't exist.
Yet.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
killed by grotesque worms
okay. i hate this. i can't STAND it when someone walks into a room and asks "What are we watching?" Or any variation of this bullshit. It makes my eyelids twitch and my fingers involuntarily curl into fists when they walk inside from BEING GONE ALL DAY in the middle of a conversation and before even taking off their coat, ask "What are we talking about?"
Twitch.
Not "WE." You just walked in, asshole. You do NOT have the privilege of using the first person plural. Fuck you! You just walked in! You are not "WE." You are not ONE OF US. You weren't sitting here talking/watching the movie for several hours because you LEFT. To go SOCIALIZE, or go to WORK, or do some other "PRODUCTIVE" fucking social bullshit because you have FRIENDS or a "LIFE".
Fuck you.
Maybe i'm just bitter that people think i have no life (these "people" are rhetorical, as i know so few "people" that there just aren't enough to judge me if they knew what my "life" consisted of). Because if you're in college and you spent your entire winter break (well okay there's a week left but whatever) sleeping in and spending 4-8 hours a day happily curled up on the couch with a historical fiction book and a pile of non-fiction and tea, that you have no life. I don't go out to bars (okay fine i'm not 21 yet--a few weeks!), i don't really get invited to "Parties," (anymore) and i don't hang out with "Friends" every day. okay, fine. i'm BORING. i am a total freak. and not even in the "Interesting" way. in the boring, doesn't-do-anything-and-is-quite-happy-about-it way.
hey, wanna hang out sometime?
i have been thinking about trying to be more social. it's just that i ended up breaking ties with a lot of people who i realized were only friends with me because i was single. and of the ones who stuck through and kept calling me, those are the ones who like me enough that it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable so i don't hang out with them. so i need new friends. or i need to Friendisize my Acquaintences. so prepare youself.
in like a few weeks because i procrastinate.
also, i really fucking like spending all day reading and drinking tea.
Twitch.
Not "WE." You just walked in, asshole. You do NOT have the privilege of using the first person plural. Fuck you! You just walked in! You are not "WE." You are not ONE OF US. You weren't sitting here talking/watching the movie for several hours because you LEFT. To go SOCIALIZE, or go to WORK, or do some other "PRODUCTIVE" fucking social bullshit because you have FRIENDS or a "LIFE".
Fuck you.
Maybe i'm just bitter that people think i have no life (these "people" are rhetorical, as i know so few "people" that there just aren't enough to judge me if they knew what my "life" consisted of). Because if you're in college and you spent your entire winter break (well okay there's a week left but whatever) sleeping in and spending 4-8 hours a day happily curled up on the couch with a historical fiction book and a pile of non-fiction and tea, that you have no life. I don't go out to bars (okay fine i'm not 21 yet--a few weeks!), i don't really get invited to "Parties," (anymore) and i don't hang out with "Friends" every day. okay, fine. i'm BORING. i am a total freak. and not even in the "Interesting" way. in the boring, doesn't-do-anything-and-is-quite-happy-about-it way.
hey, wanna hang out sometime?
i have been thinking about trying to be more social. it's just that i ended up breaking ties with a lot of people who i realized were only friends with me because i was single. and of the ones who stuck through and kept calling me, those are the ones who like me enough that it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable so i don't hang out with them. so i need new friends. or i need to Friendisize my Acquaintences. so prepare youself.
in like a few weeks because i procrastinate.
also, i really fucking like spending all day reading and drinking tea.
Friday, January 2, 2009
YOU WILL COMPLY YOU WILL HAVE FUN
Sure, Alex. "HAD" to wear a thong.
Alex: "I had a lot of fun. And alcohol. But mostly fun."
What is it about blogging? I think for me, with personal blogs (as opposed to motivational, advice blogs like Zen Habits or Steve Pavlina) it's just nice to know that other people exist. I like reading about people's days, their random thoughts. I like knowing that there's people out there who are unfamous and yet also funny, intelligent, and interesting.
Really good book: Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein. It's awesome. Took me a while to get past the blahblahblah of various characters (one detriment of reading fast is that i tend to ignore things, and thus character names, that do not immediately register as important. this is also central to how i function in real life, and has probably contributed to my crappy memory. well, it's not that it's necessarily crappy, it's just that i automatically filter out things i label as "Not Totally Necessary". which is a lot) . Anyway! Stranger in a Strange Land is a sci-fi book (which i do not normally like, so this one's pretty awesome) about a guy who is raised on Mars with the Martians, who obviously have entirely different ways of operating than humans. About twenty (?) years later he returns to Earth, and his learnings and teachings there are fascinating...made me think about what limits we would not have were we not told they were limits.
Reminds me of the hours i would spent jumping off my couch, clutching my shiny Beanie Baby dragon, attempting to fly.
Anyway after linking to Steve Pavlina again (whose blog introduced me to polyphasic sleeping, and inspired me to start my own polyphasic experiment, and thus this blog), i found that his newest experiment is polyamorism. This is also a big theme in Stranger in a Strange Land...and a concept that presents big problem for my weak ego and monstrous jealousy problem. Anyway. Interesting stuff. Well, more than interesting. Having grown up in a Strictly Monagamous Except For the Inevitable Cheating-Christian-Ideals-American-Culture, that shit blows my fucking mind.
Oh! The no-shampoo experiment! That's going well. Yesterday i was sick as all hell (great timing, illness! awesome job! well you succeeded at preventing me getting drunk on New Year's Eve, but c'mon, i've only gotten drunk like once in the last TWO YEARS. come on. gimme a break.) My hair did feel a little greasy and, after sleeping for seventeen hours straight and being dragged out of bed to read on the couch for 7 hours before sleeping for anothter 12, i did not shower or rinse my hair at all, so today I was very excited to baking-soda my hair this morning, and then i extra-diluted the apple cider vinegar (use less if your hair is getting greasy) and then rinsed with some leftover chamomile tea with honey. My hair is shiny and wonderful, but still feels a liiiiiiiiiitle more oily than i'd like (again, i'm freakishly sensitive to this), so i think i will, after not 'washing' tomorrow, i will replace the apple cider vinegar/water mix with lemon juice and water.
UPDATE: My hair is actually not in the slightest oily. It is just softer than it has ever been in my entire life, and i had no concept of how this felt, let alone how to express it.
wow.
MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT GOING NO SHAMPOO:
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom.
i used to spend literally a half-hour about once a week in the shampoo/soap/beauty products aisle in safeway in high school and early college, before i moved in with my boyfriend and we started going shopping together. but god, before that, i'd stand there mesmorized, smelling shampoos and conditioners, trying and buying different expensive brands (when i moved out of my dad's house i had a huuuge drawer full of probably two dozen half-full bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash). it was a really weird, consumerist addiction, fueled by TV commercials that told me i had to use Products to be Pretty. But now, i can just breeeeeeeze past that life-sucking aisle, knowing my hair is happier, healtheir, and chemical-free, without blowing extra cash on harmful, unnecessary chemicals pushed on us by a consumer culture.
CONSUMER CULTURE:
Okay, I find thse two Totally Accepted Body Care Processes a little sketch:
1: Shampoo, then Condition your hair
This translates to: Strip your hair of its natural oils, then attempt to replace those with more chemicals. These grease up your hair and you feel the need to strip it of those oils again tomorrow, then replace them, then strip them....
2. Wash your face, use Toner, then Moisturize.
This translates to: Use soap to remove dirt, use toner to strip your face of natural oils, then use moisturizer to attempt to replace those oils. Wait, what?? why not fucking SKIP both of those steps, and let your face do its own goddamn thing? Wanna know my washing regimen?
1. Instead of Shampoo and Conditioner: Every other day, scrub scalp with baking soda. Rinse with apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, or chamomile tea.
2. Instead of Body Wash: Before showering, use a body brush to remove dead skin and exfoliate. Rinse body in shower.
3. Instead of Facial Soap, Toner, and Moisturizer: Rinse face with hot, then warm, then cold water. Every few days naturally exfoliate face gently with fingernails.
Alex: "I had a lot of fun. And alcohol. But mostly fun."
What is it about blogging? I think for me, with personal blogs (as opposed to motivational, advice blogs like Zen Habits or Steve Pavlina) it's just nice to know that other people exist. I like reading about people's days, their random thoughts. I like knowing that there's people out there who are unfamous and yet also funny, intelligent, and interesting.
Really good book: Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein. It's awesome. Took me a while to get past the blahblahblah of various characters (one detriment of reading fast is that i tend to ignore things, and thus character names, that do not immediately register as important. this is also central to how i function in real life, and has probably contributed to my crappy memory. well, it's not that it's necessarily crappy, it's just that i automatically filter out things i label as "Not Totally Necessary". which is a lot) . Anyway! Stranger in a Strange Land is a sci-fi book (which i do not normally like, so this one's pretty awesome) about a guy who is raised on Mars with the Martians, who obviously have entirely different ways of operating than humans. About twenty (?) years later he returns to Earth, and his learnings and teachings there are fascinating...made me think about what limits we would not have were we not told they were limits.
Reminds me of the hours i would spent jumping off my couch, clutching my shiny Beanie Baby dragon, attempting to fly.
Anyway after linking to Steve Pavlina again (whose blog introduced me to polyphasic sleeping, and inspired me to start my own polyphasic experiment, and thus this blog), i found that his newest experiment is polyamorism. This is also a big theme in Stranger in a Strange Land...and a concept that presents big problem for my weak ego and monstrous jealousy problem. Anyway. Interesting stuff. Well, more than interesting. Having grown up in a Strictly Monagamous Except For the Inevitable Cheating-Christian-Ideals-American-Culture, that shit blows my fucking mind.
Oh! The no-shampoo experiment! That's going well. Yesterday i was sick as all hell (great timing, illness! awesome job! well you succeeded at preventing me getting drunk on New Year's Eve, but c'mon, i've only gotten drunk like once in the last TWO YEARS. come on. gimme a break.) My hair did feel a little greasy and, after sleeping for seventeen hours straight and being dragged out of bed to read on the couch for 7 hours before sleeping for anothter 12, i did not shower or rinse my hair at all, so today I was very excited to baking-soda my hair this morning, and then i extra-diluted the apple cider vinegar (use less if your hair is getting greasy) and then rinsed with some leftover chamomile tea with honey. My hair is shiny and wonderful, but still feels a liiiiiiiiiitle more oily than i'd like (again, i'm freakishly sensitive to this), so i think i will, after not 'washing' tomorrow, i will replace the apple cider vinegar/water mix with lemon juice and water.
UPDATE: My hair is actually not in the slightest oily. It is just softer than it has ever been in my entire life, and i had no concept of how this felt, let alone how to express it.
wow.
MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT GOING NO SHAMPOO:
freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom.
i used to spend literally a half-hour about once a week in the shampoo/soap/beauty products aisle in safeway in high school and early college, before i moved in with my boyfriend and we started going shopping together. but god, before that, i'd stand there mesmorized, smelling shampoos and conditioners, trying and buying different expensive brands (when i moved out of my dad's house i had a huuuge drawer full of probably two dozen half-full bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash). it was a really weird, consumerist addiction, fueled by TV commercials that told me i had to use Products to be Pretty. But now, i can just breeeeeeeze past that life-sucking aisle, knowing my hair is happier, healtheir, and chemical-free, without blowing extra cash on harmful, unnecessary chemicals pushed on us by a consumer culture.
CONSUMER CULTURE:
Okay, I find thse two Totally Accepted Body Care Processes a little sketch:
1: Shampoo, then Condition your hair
This translates to: Strip your hair of its natural oils, then attempt to replace those with more chemicals. These grease up your hair and you feel the need to strip it of those oils again tomorrow, then replace them, then strip them....
2. Wash your face, use Toner, then Moisturize.
This translates to: Use soap to remove dirt, use toner to strip your face of natural oils, then use moisturizer to attempt to replace those oils. Wait, what?? why not fucking SKIP both of those steps, and let your face do its own goddamn thing? Wanna know my washing regimen?
1. Instead of Shampoo and Conditioner: Every other day, scrub scalp with baking soda. Rinse with apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, or chamomile tea.
2. Instead of Body Wash: Before showering, use a body brush to remove dead skin and exfoliate. Rinse body in shower.
3. Instead of Facial Soap, Toner, and Moisturizer: Rinse face with hot, then warm, then cold water. Every few days naturally exfoliate face gently with fingernails.
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