attention spam

so you know how you can comment on your friends' facebook statuses now? someone had their status as "So-and-So is not too happy about the avs right now"*

*my level of interest in sports is summed up in the above t-shirt**

**i'm super happy i bought this a few years ago at tshirthell.com because they no longer carry it! noobs.

anyway someone responded to So-and So being "not so happy about the avs" with "no one is my friend" which made me giggle. commas DO matter, bitches! "no one is, my friend" would mean "no one is happy about the avs, my friend" whereas "no one is my friend" means that that comma-deprived loser has no friends. or commas.

also on facebook (aka attention spam GOD i'm so witty) was this ad/pretend survey: "Have You Voted Yet? Yes/No/I Don't Know."
whoa. hey.
stop.
that's an OPTION?
whoa. hey.
no.
if you don't KNOW whether or not you've voted, you should not be voting. even for obama, who i'd love to have more votes, just not....your vote. you understand, right? it's not me, it's you. fucking keep track of stuff such as your fucking vote. just stay at home and try to make friends and learn about commas.

Speaking of voting, i'm totally going to the early voting at the CU rec center. It's every day from 8AM-6PM til Halloween. rock on.

okay. i'm not sure if my chinese teacher is sadistic or just insane. she's really cool and i love her, but she made a bunch of us come to the front of the class individually to be asked questions in chinese we've been practicing. so one by one we go up there and stand awkwardly while people ask us in chinese about our major, our ideal apartment, etc. fascinating. anyway i was about the sixth person to go up, and everyone got SILENT when i got up there. silent like whoa. so after a few awkward, silent seconds, i said "Ni hao!" (hello) which made people laugh. awkwardly. more silence. i waited. (this prolonged silence happened for no one else, might i add.) finally this guy in the back mutters (in Chinese) "what's your phone number?" jokingly and though it was quiet, everyone else was SILENT and heard it. i kinda rolled my eyes and waited for a serious question when Chen Laoshi says to me "Are you going to answer him??? Are you going to give him your number???!" Okay, seriously?? it's not bad enough already? so i had to say, in chinese, "i have a boyfriend" and everyone laughed hysterically at the guy and said "oh shut DOWN!" and other guys in the class called out other creepy questions, such as where do i live. thank god the middle-aged grad student who is also a ling major saved me by asking where if i'm going to travel when i graduate. yes, yes i am. far, far away from Creepies.

people are so weird. well that's what you get. at least i didn't tell you I was sixteen***, don't have a phone or e-mail, or am dating someone you know who you know is not dating me. (all previous rejection lines from me, i know, i'm a horrible person. but what are you gonna DO, you know?)

***it's cool, i atually was sixteen. it was my favorite rejection line, so much so that i was sad when i turned seventeen because the 28-year olds don't balk quite as hard at 17 as they do 16.

"So you wanna go out for a drink sometime?"
"I'm not 21."
"Oh. When will you be?"
"Five years."
"......"

snoods and snees and sneeze

snood: a decorative hairnet

quite the conumdrum

I have been thinking a lot about how to put these two common yet incongruous slang phrases together: "pissed me off" and "the crap/hell outta me"
Because we can say "that really pissed me off" or "that scared the hell outta me" but how could we possibly combine them? "that pissed the hell off outta me." "that pissed the crap outta off me." too many prepositions!! (why are they called prepositions? because they are positioned before. Japanese has postpositions! yay!) Steve's favorite: "that pissed the crap off me."
Anyway it took me like two days of thinking about this and giggling quietly to myself before it came to me: "that pissed me the hell off!"

I have strep throat. whine whine whine. actually it's not so bad now that i have ibuprofen to lessen the swelling in my lymph nodes, which were so swollen that drinking water felt like swallowing shards of glass. trying to sleep last night sucked because i was constantly waking up and thinking "my goodness, this really is quite excruciating" and although i couldn't explain or reason it then or now, all night i kept thinking i had to sleep in a certain way to avoid the pain. but i never could figure out what it was. was it lying on my side? nope that sucks. on my back? nope. anyway i'm enjoying taking some time off school to dick around on the internet and OH MY GOD i got an A on my physics test. I FUCKING RULE!!!!!!!!! and the class average was a D. IN YOUR FACE!!!!! yeah bludgeon. what. now there's some motivation to do shit you hate/suck at. because when i get an A in Spanish, Chinese or linguistics, i'm like "yeah whateva" but physics?? i get a problem right all by myself and i do a screaming victory dance, complete with hip-thrusts and "OH YEAAAAH!!"s. is that where the plural morpheme would go? sure, why the jesus not. ...i crack myself up.

whenever i'm sick i'm totally paranoid that no one will beleive me. that i need to prove it to my friends, my employer, my family, classmates and teachers. no, guys, seriously, i have strep. i'm sick. i list my symptoms expecting people to be cynical, like i'm faking it to get out of stuff or something. it's kinda weird. i'm always surprised when people say "oh no!! drink tea and get lots of sleep!" after all is say is "i'm sick." i'm like, "wait, you don't want to see my penicillin perscription? my swollen glands? my nine trashcans full of snotty kleenexes?*"

*those snotty kleneexes. thinking they're better than everyone else.

okay this picture made me laugh until i cried.


fro hat.
ohhhh man.

more stupider

society, you have trained me. i am incapable of running red lights. or even stop signs. even at 3:17 in the morning on a tuesday when i can see nine miles in each direction and haven't seen a car or human the entire drive. i fucking sit there. and wait. and i WANT to run the red light, and i KNOW there's no cops or possible potential crash danger, but the light is RED. red means NO. red means STOP and sit there and feel like a brainwashed lemming.

and what is it about facebook that makes me feel like i have no life? my social life consists of a) climbing, or b) sitting around with 1-3 friends and having deep philosophical discussions and/or goofing off for a few hours. but i feel, thanks to facebook, that everyone else's social life consists of wild parties of dozens of people every weekend and lots of drinking and dancing and happy smiling pictures and here i am on a saturday night studying physics (EW.) and blogging.
oh, society. making me feel bad about my life because i don't take pictures of myself drunk and making out with other girls at parties for attention.




oh, and another thing, society? what's up with the fucked up american view on getting vs. being married?
-getting married=aww i'm so happy, congruatulations, that's WONDERFUL YAY!
-being married=nagging wife, asshole husband, ball and chain, my life suks.

this is as emo as i get

what is it about physics that makes me want to cry? i can go on and on about bilabial fricatives in spanish or allophonic variations of inflectional morphemes or predicate adjectives in chinese or the reduplicate copula phenomenon in english ("the thing is, is that....") but the second you ask me to find mass per unit length of a string if the string is one octave higher than another string, i just break down into tears. how do i DO this, there's so many formulas how do i know which one, oh that and i don't know basic algebra, and kaley just crumples.
so i got two problems (at least there's only six), one easily within seconds and the other struggling for hours with my boyfriend's help, and i'm going in to my professor's office hours tomorrow just hours before the homework is due to beg for help.
i just feel like nothing we talk about in class, nothing i have notes on, relates in any way to the problems for homework this week. i feel pretty solid about what we went over in lecture, then i saw the problems on the homework and was like 'how is this possibly this week's homework?'
blah blah blah bitch bitch bitch. i am not a science person. or a math person. i got through the lowert possible levels of high-school math (okay, BARELY) with intuition and guesswork and the fact that my teachers thought i was smart but unmovitated and gave me credit for trying.
i just hope i don't walk into my physics test on tuesday and break down in tears looking at the problems.
i kinda think i might.

yeah. no interesting stories or anecdotes. no funny/cool picture. i' m just frustrated.

at least physics makes my chinese homework look pshhh eaaaaaasy, and cleaning the kitchen seem AWESOME!