I'm pretty sure the technical term is "cranial nubbin"

Well, it's the end of my third day of no-shampoo, and probably the longest stretch of time I have EVER gone voluntarily without shampooing my hair since i was like, five.
And my hair looks and feels awesome.
Yay!
Yesterday my hair didn't feel oily at all, so I just went with what is apparently called a "Mexican shower" where you use a washcloth in the shower to brush your hair to even out the oils in your hair, bring them away from the scalp and down to the ends, which need them. Worked nicely, I had zero hair issues! I also bought a boar bristle brush or something like that, which also accomplishes the evening-out-of-the-hair-oils thing. I then brushed my hair obsessively with that, and it got all shiny and nice. Steve said it looked a little frizzy, and at the end of the day (which for me, sans school, is about 3 AM) i could notice, probably only because it's my hair and i'm freakishly obsessive about greasy hair, that there was the presence of the beginnings of oil--but really, with the brushing, it only looked shiny, as in shiny like the photo-shopped airbrushed girls on shampoo commercials--WHOA.
Today I went back to baking soda as shampoo and apple cider vinegar after that, and my hair is shiny, bouncy and soft. looooooooooooooooooooooooove it.


In other news, my roommate (I should call him "my friend" since we just did get a new roommate [aka Failboat*] who we got off Cragislist but hey) was in the bathroom that he, my boyfriend and I share, for like forty minutes which is how long I spend in the shower, NOT how long a normal guy is supposed to spend in the BATHROOM. And i was sitting down here and I had to pee like WHOA (i drink a fuckton of tea) but since Morgs NEVER takes so long in the goddamn bathroom, I decided to wait it out instead of using the Downstairs Bathroom which is our New Rommate's Bathroom (even though he was out of town at the time) and finally i was like "I HAVE A TINY BLADDER" (fun fact: I just spelled that "BLADDRE") and fled downstairs. And it was a little weird. I felt very invasive and secretive. He has more hair products than I do (the count? ONE).

*I have become oddly addicted to calling things, people, and events Failboats. At least in my head. Car in front of me merging infuriatingly slowly? He's a failboat. I forgot to call a friend? I'm a failboat. Overcooked the spaghetti? Failboat.


some random quotes from chizziling* with friends

"I DID NOT ACHIEVE COMPLETION!"
(the only way I could think to describe why i didn't lose that round of the no-blinking contest --yes, my friends and i are, in fact, five--because i didn't blink ALL the way)

-"Wanna feel my head bump?"
- "Weird!"
- "What's the word for that?"
-"Uh, i'm pretty sure the technical term is 'cranial nubbin.'
-"No, there's like an anatomical name for--"
-"CRANIAL. NUBBIN."


*haha, "chizilling." really sounds weird. by which i mean, looks weird. shoulda said "chizillin" but i'm Not That Cool kthxbai

Penny Arcade is so fucking epic that i find their comics hysterical, even when i have no idea what they're talking about. Examine: Exhibit A

I used to hate running.
HATE it.
haaaaaaaaate it.
Running was hard---i got side cramps within minutes or seconds, my lungs would gasp for breath, my heart would burn.
And i'd be behind the last lagging, struggling jogger in the group.
How. Embarassing.

But now i run.
i run at night.
i run when no one can see me, no one can judge me, no one is awake, no one is looking. no one is sprinting effortlessly on their third lap while i attempt not to vomit just to keep going. i run at night so i can jog as slowly as i want, walk for a bit, stop whenever i get too tired, fuck you high-school gym teacher! fuck you peer pressure, fuck you athletic boulderite kids with your marathons and your endurance.

when i left for my run tonight, my boyfriend asked me "So, you gonna become a runner?"
This made me laugh. "No. I don't do it to run. I do it to be alone. in the dark. in the cold."
He looked utterly bewildered. "Well, when you put it THAT way..."
But i do.
The running is good, when you walk there's too much room for thought.
But i just want to be alone, in the dark, in the cold.
I run to watch the moon disappear behind the clouds. i run to round the corner before a lone car approaches. i run at 1 or 4 in the morning, i run to feel the cold on my face, i run until i peel off my gloves, my hat, my scarf, unzip my jacket, unzip my sweater, shrug off my coat until it hangs awkwardly off my shoulders, i run until i have to carry my coat on the crook of my elbow, i run until my hair falls unsexily out of my lazy ponytailbun, i run until my forehead sweats and my ears are still cold. i run with adrenaline-filled glee past one block of normally-busy city street to disappear behind a dark corner again, free, before another night loner spots this girl in too-white running shoes, baggy plaid pajama pants, bulky down coat and sloppy ponytail. i run because no one's watching. i run to feel my lungs exhale, to feel my feet hit the ground, to remind myself that i am alive, i am right here. this is my body, some miraculous combination of tendons muscles bones joints that let me run, run, run under yellow streetlights under yellow stars, run panting past christmas lights left up and college cars. i run to be a part of that which is humanity, which i mostly sometimes loathe, to be apart from it and alone, but comforted knowing that my fellow human beings are asleep in their beds in the houses i run past. i run to smell the occasional late-night laundry, to see which lights are still on at 3 AM on a sunday. i run because i like sweating when it's cold outside, i run because i like feeling like i'm the only person alive.
like i said,
i run to be alone, in the dark, in the cold.

Going no shampoo (OH. EM. GEE.) Day 1

found another of my old poems from high school:

more real in a role than reality on hold
experiment test let dreamnightmare unfold
this way when you get sick of the play
you back out always halfway
they read the script but don't play the part
in love it's dumb to be so fuckin smart





After randomly stumbling upon an article about going without shampoo (not for like, a day....but FO EVA), I decided to try it. (this, as you will later read, is a REALLY FUCKING BIG DEAL for me and my shampoo obsessoin/dependence). I then spent literally about eight hours researching methods, alternative "shampoos," reading blogs of "no 'poo" people, and reading forums of advice and shampoo-free hair care recipes.
The eight hours miiiiiiiight have been a little overkill, considering it boils down to this:
1. Shampoo is full of horrible chemicals that destroy your hair
2. Don't use it.
3. Use 1 tablespoon of baking soda in 1 cup of water, massage into hair in shower, leave it in for a bit
4. Use 1-2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar* in 1 cup of water, pour over hair in shower
5. Cut back to only using backing soda 1-2 times a week, apple cider vinegar rinse 1-2 times a month
6. You can use things like chamomile tea or jojoba or coconut oil too

So I tried it!

*Vinegar? Yes, vinegar. And yes, it smells FUCKING NASTY. It made me want to puke a little. Also, after eight hours of research, I used about a CUP instead of a TABLESPOON. See why I don't bake? Countless forums and blogs assured me that the smell would wash out entirely.

It didn't.

I DID use WAY too much, and it wasn't too bad, and I brushed my half-wet hair with a wet brush and that seemed to get it all out, but STILL. It made me sad.

I also probably used too much baking soda. I put a bit in a cup and then added water from the shower to the cup. Since the baking soda fell to the bottom, i mixed it around and then poured it over my hair. My hair almost instantly felt dry, and I couldn't really scrub it in, and it was reaaaaaaally bizarre trying to scrub what felt like nothing into my hair instead of a "rich later" (which, by the way, is the result of the horrible evil chemical sodium lauryl sulfate). So I tried it again, this time dumping a little bit of baking soda into my hand and then mixing it with water with my finger. Again, the weird dryness. I figured I couldn't over-baking soda since baking soda is drying (you can also use salt, especially if you have dry hair) and my hair is disgustingly, unbearably greasy after just a day without showering. At least to me. But I have a horrible, sick, hair-washing, showering addiction. It's really bad. I feel inhuman and appalingly gross if I don't wash my hair for a day. When I was backpacking in South America and didn't shower for a week in the Peruvian Andes, my hair was plastered down to my head. It looked like it was WET. ALL THE TIME. I wore my (only) hat, a WOOL hat 24/7 even when I SLEPT because i couldn't bear to think about, see, or feel my hair. Going without a shower for 2-3 days is not quite as bad, but still makes me angry, cranky, and feel disgusting and unpretty. Anyway, i'm not a fan. I really love SHOWERS, and i don't think i'll give up my happy-making routine of relaxing under hot running water to get ready for my day, but i'd really really loooooooove to not have greasy hair if i don't wash it for a day, i'd love to not have split ends, and i'd love to have naturally healthy hair and not dump chemicals on it and down the drain every day. All of the people who have tried this and posted at all about it anywhere on the internet had really, really good things to say. They get comments on how healthy, shiny, think and bouncy their hair is--no one knows they haven't used shampoo in months or years! So I'm pretty excited.

the results so far: My hair felt weird and a little straw-y when it started drying a little (again, i used way too much of both baking soda and apple cider vinegar). After I brushed through it with a wet brush, it is feeling INCREDIBLY SOFT. incredibly, incredibly, way way soft. And it doesn't smell like vinegar anymore (YAY) and it's.....so soft i can't stop touching it.

i'm pretty nervous about the "rough patch" that's probably coming up (i really can't describe in words my irrational phobia/supreme hatred of greasy hair) but I'm really really happy that baking soda will help, and i can always cut back on the apple cider vinegar.

Holy crap my hair is soft.

Here is the best site i found (after searching THE ENTIRE INTERNET) on going no-shampoo.



In other news: I am horribly, horribly addicted to the blog of the blogess.
Who, by the way, is not actually full of mosquitoes.
When I read that I shot milk out my nose with joyful giggling glee. Metaphorical milk. I don't actually drink milk. I had a scarring milk expericence as a child.
I am not kidding.

evil robot from the future

I was lucky enough to get caught off-guard by this Facebook ad headline* "What will it feel like?"
Pop Quiz: Was this ad for....
a) New website for curious adolescent girls and more sexually experienced women to share information and sex education
b) Evil robots from the future
c) A cell phone

The correct/most fucked up answer? (i'm a ninja,** so i'm not really worried about evil robots from the future***) Yeah, the phone. Really, Blackberry? Couldn't you go with something about how your name is a delicous fruit? (not that I'd know, I don't think I've ever actually eaten a blackberry. DON'T JUDGE ME!)

*Is headline the right word? Can ads have headlines? You know what I'm talking about, right? The motto thing? Witty Catchphrase?

**As a longtime member of the Nerd camp**** it can pretty much be expected that I and all of my friends have Staunch Opinions on the Ninja vs. Pirate war. We're split pretty evenly (I can tell what type of person would be An Awesome Ninja versus some lameass pirate from a mile away) which I personally think is fucking ridiculous because, as far as I'm concerned (which is PRETTY EFFING FAR), Ninjas are fucking NINJAS and NOTHING could EVER kill, harm, come near, or even SEE a ninja, so why are we even HAVING this argument. Pirates are smelly and stinky and drunk and have scurvy and smell bad. Ninjas kill people like WHOA. Again, WHY are we talking about this?? Maybe I should ask a ninja.

***Looking back, that logic seems kind of random, but just to explain, since I am a ninja, I don't think that evil robots from the future would be more fucked up than using an awkwardly sexual ad headline for a phone. And looking back on that, I didn't really explain myself. I am a true ninja. A word ninja. That's a GOOD thing. HA! NINJA STAR!

****, when I thought/typed the word "camp" I remembered that old Nickelodeon show Salute Your Shorts...wow...good times. OH! And I'm totally in this Facebook group called "I HATE When Kids Can't Put Together the Shrine of the Silver Monkey." Because I do. I HATE it.


wow, sorry about that. It was getting kind of out of control out there in Asterick land. OH MY GOD. I just remembered having an intense conversation with a friend in which I insisted that Asterick would be an AWESOME name, and I really want to name my future child that. Boy or girl? Doesn't matter, they're both ASTERICK! It's like....an asteriod kicking your ass. Or a stripper name. Ass Trick. Sounds hot. DUDE. ALSO, they could just draw a little messy star next to the line that says Name_____ and their teachers would always be like "EXCUSE ME" and they'd be like "THAT'S MY NAME DON'T JUDGE ME! LAWSUIT!" And i'd be rich.

....I'm gonna go now.


okay i lied. i've been thinking about it....an evil NINJA robot from the future would scare the shit out of me.
Evil Ninja Robot.
From THE FUTURE.
Shit.
We're all fucked.

I am fairly literate, and know many words.

eeeek! my muse is back, and i haven't written in Far Too Long.


I really, really hated finals this week this year. Not that that's New or Unusual or Exciting, but seriously. I don't mind tests, even finals, because I'm totally cool with studying. However, i am TOTALLY NOT COOL with having huge, multi-month group projects due FINALS WEEK mere DAYS before the final in that class (btw, if we have said project, how exactly is a final necessary let alone not totally evil?). I especially despise multiple teachers pulling this shit. Mostly, though, as i vented about on my FCQs (I take that shit seriously--I HAVE OPINIONS.), what i hate is this: my spanish phonetics teacher does that count-you-off-ones-over-here-twos-over-there thing that I LOAAAAAAAAATHE. (did i mention i hate it? i fucking hate it.) Here's how demeaning I find it: i teach preschool (PRESCHOOL!) and i would never do that to those four-year-olds. Oh, you think i need to socialize with The Other Children? thanks! thanks for that. you, who teaches entirely from the book (i litearally never once took notes in that class, merely underlined in the textbook) and yet still counts attendance as a grade. If someone can get an A in a class without EVER FUCKING GOING, you should let them, and not go on some fucking power-trip ego boost by taking attendance in college.

Vent: Completed.

alrighty then.


I Am A Freak Because I Hate...
-sushi.
-Queen
-cheesecake

(yeah, BRING IT!!!!!!!!)


Speaking of getting shocked, angry looks when i mention i don't like cheesecake (CREAM CHEESE BELONGS IN BAGELS, NOT DESSERT, PEOPLE!), I get the best looks from people who offer me whipped cream in my mocha. Always some dude who leans aross the counter and goes "would you like some whipped cream?" like he just offered me an orgasm. So my flippant "no thanks!" really pisses them off. Shocked. Angry. I JUST OFFERED YOU WHIPPED CREAM, YOU BITCH. clearly any woman who doesn't sexily lick the whipped cream from any drink or desert is Disgusting and Horrid. What A Bitch.
i love it.

k speaking of offended, and about that whole Vent: Completed thing (hint: lies. all lies)....funny story. So i've last week i was working on a 40-page Turkish morphology project, an final paper analyzing and transcribing Spanish dialectical phonology, a 20-minute memorized Chinese final presentation, Chinese homework, studying for Chinese/Physics/Morphology and Spanish Phonetics, getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night and this happens:

boyfriend asks roommate to join a video game because it requires 2+ people to start the game. said roommate joins, plays for a few minutes, then says (AND I QUOTE) "i'll play later when i have time." and i look up from my Chinese*, sleep-deprived and stressed and wired and touchy: "HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE TIME." boyfriend says: "just because he makes his own priorities..." and i repeat: "AGAIN. HOW DO YOU NOT HAVE TIME."

*anything sounds more badass when you precede it with "Chinese"

why the anger? why the FUUUUUUUUUURY? because you have time. know how i know you have time? you get to sleep in til 10 every day before work. when you get off work, you watch a few hours of family guy before playing some video games before watching some more tv and reading. sure, you're working on a neat project, but it's your HOBBY and you LOVE it. it's not DUE tomorrow. you're not getting GRADED. so you don't so much "not have time" as are "choosing to do one hobby as opposed to the other before getting 8 hours of sleep and having no obligations or deadlines."

Deeeeep breaths.*

(not *breathes. that's the verb. "kaley breathes." "breath" is the noun. "take a deep breath."\

BOOK FORT!

gramma, bananas, and WHERE THE HELL IS MY ANGER MANAGEMNT BOOK?!

let's try something new today, kids! i'm going all old-school gramma. (note the hip droppage of -'er', as in popular words such as 'balla' and 'holla.' i'll rap you some mothereffing GRAMMA, ho!") ..k where was i? Ah yes. Capitalizing the first word in a sentece, i.e. not being fucking lazy as all hell. But i still can't bring myself to capitalize my 'i's. (how do you type that? spell it out? "eyes"? Remove the seemingly unneessary mini-quotes? "is"? GAAH!) In high school, i had a social studies/history teacher (they're always the best) who, when someone raised their hand to ask to go to the bathroom(as is strictly required in 99% of high school settings) she blew up at him. She told him he was a fucking adult and could go to the bathroom whenever he goddamn well pleased. She told us that she had once QUIT A JOB because her boss wanted her to ask to go to the bathroom.
That woman is my hero.

In other news, the usually-rather-neato site of "I'll tell you what, Mr. Tubby FatPants, you can have my banana"* linked to a guy who went an entire weekend without television. *gasp!* an ENTIRE weekend??! But that MUSTN'T have included the Friday night What Not To Wear Marathon and the Sunday night Fucking Whatever! ....And she, someone so opinionated, picky, and bitchy, who generally fits the bill of "Where the HELL is my anger management book!??!" (Witty Catchphrase Alert!) respects that. You know what I respect? Someone who's not so disgustingly addicted to something that they brag about and write an entire blog post on the revelations of an ENTIRE (ENTIRE!) weekend with no TV. To me, that's like a methhead writing a five paragraph essay about an ENTIRE WEEKEND without meth. And the rest of us are like, "hey, that's really special and nice. it's a little sad that you're so fucking proud of it, because the second you shut your eyes, flail your arms and start screaming "I CAN STOP ANYTIME I WANT" is the second i shut you out of my life for being a failure at yours."
You know who i fucking respect? ME, for not having a TV, and not running around screaming about how Unique and Free and Productive i am.
So again, it makes me re-lose my faith (i've lost count at this point, after how many fucking seasons of american idol?*)*in our society and culture when an "entire weekend" without TV is now to be lauded as if it were, oh i don't now, some sort of accomplishment? As if were DIFFICULT? Something to be even MENTIONED, let alone APPLAUDED? That's. Just. Sad.

*yeah i linked to it a mere...yesterday? ago but it's FUCKING HILARIOUS, SO READ IT)

**that shit doesn't deserve to be capitalized. unless you're using "capitalized" as a new witty way to say "put to death for crimes against humanity via capital punishment"

mmmm, hot dog.

spank you, helpy helperton

some people just shouldn't have kids.
/exist.

case in point: there is one kid at the preschool who is pretty fucked up. like, he's sweet and all, but when you close him from the sandbox because you saw him throw blatantly and randomly sand in a TWO-YEAR OLD'S face, he'll look all SHOCKED and SAD and ANGRY--like "WHAT?! WHY would you CLOSE me from the SANDBOX?!" he never lets other kids play with him, but gets angry/tattle-y, and cryingly upset when they say no to him when he asks. He blatantly destroys other kids' toys and games and calls everyone names, and makes these really fucked-up little angry faces. honestly, i've never seen such an angry little kid. it's like, YOU'RE THREE. what do you POSSIBLY have to be that angry about?? anyway his parents recently asked us (angrily) to stop letting him eat afternoon snack because he wasn't eating dinner (and by dinner, I mean McDonald's/Pizza Hut). it's like, your kid is too full from organic fruits and vegetables to eat his greasy trans-fat cancer burger, and...apparently that's a BAD thing.
wow.

i was pretty scared to start seriously looking for a car after the ol' corolla* died but it's kinda sweet to watch car dealers tripping over themselves to sell me a car. like, i'm a lil' old twenty-year old girl with a thousand dollars in the bank (WOO) and they're calling me at home making offers and bringing cars in from Denver to show me because i mentioned i wanted an automatic, not a manual.

*we were talking about whether or not I care how a car looks, and steve said "well, you liked the corolla, and it looked like a meatball!"

also on the car note, one thing i am loving*** about buying a new car is the research. i am a total Nurd and i effing love researching. i make a haircut appointment? hours prior are spent finding a medley of potential haircuts online. my hairstylist has gotten used to my control freak-ism and the fact that i insist on bringing in 1-3 color photos and having a ten-minute long discussion on how i exactly i would want them to mesh into one amazing 'cut, which doesn't exist in Internet Picture Land, and which also must look perfect with no effort or styling beyond shampoo and a quick brush.
anyway, i love researching. i had a friend once who, when we were debating What Would Happen If Something Else Happened or something, he said "you should look it up. you're good at stuff like that." well...it's not so much that i'm "good" at it per se as much as the fact that i DO look it up, and no one else bothers. seriously. if you casually mention in conversation with me that you've been wondering such and such, next time i see you, be it tomorrow or three years from now, i will have researched, explored possibilites, made citations, and will have a discussion with you on the merits of the various theories and the validity of the experiments. and you will stare back at me blankly because you have no effing idea what i am freaking talking about.

*yeah just WATCH me use a stative verb in the present progressive!!!

okay, this post was the funniest shit i've read in a long time. free, indeed.

good, random, awesomely out-of-context quote from my roommate: "I don't care about the vagina!"
not that it really made sense in the context anyway.

besides teaching spanish at preschool, my other job is "tagging" verbs. meaning i look at sets of verbs ("action words!") in context of newspapers, usually, and tell the computer what the verb means in that situation (e.g. "run a business" vs. "run a race" vs. "run the numbers" etc.)
anyway sometimes it gets pretty philosophical--yesterday i found myself realizing i was being paid $11 an hour to think about whether or not you "have" or "experience" life.


YOU WOULD NOT BELEIVE ME IF I TOLD YOU
but the Star Wars theme is playing in the background while the three guys just finished LANing hours of video games are now playing Magic and drinking tea.
and i am reaaaaaaaaally happy it's not beer pong.


SPEAKING OF NERDS