oh! that's something that totally freaking boggles my mind: the Fat Thing. (it's what my friends call me.) ((just kidding. but that's going to help prove my point.)) In one of my intro linguistics classes, we had an assignment to write down slang that we used only with our group of friends. one of mine, among climbing and video game lingo (i hate video games but all my high school friends were gamers), was the appellation "fatty." we use it as a joking compliment, a favorite in ironic situations such as climbing or eating. my friends and i call each other fat in jest because 1) they are all skinny, ripped males and it's hilarious, and 2) I am a skinny, ripped girl and it's hilarious. NOTE TO AMERICA: I DO NOT THINK I AM FAT. Apparently, this makes me a freak. I was at a doctor's appointment once, and a male nurse was taking my blood pressure and stuff, and instead of telling me to take my shoes off and get on the scale, he got really uncomfortable and said "uh, sorry, i--if you don't mind--i'm sorry, but how much do you weigh?" and all the other nurses i've ever had ALWAYS 'joke' about the "worst part" being getting on the scale. Do all hospital workers have some sort of Fat Vision where they assume that every female, even the obviously trim ones, are Horribly Insecure about their weight? it bugs the HELL out of me. i weigh 115 pounds, is there a REASON i should be INSECURE about that? oh wait---one girl in high school called me anorexic. a girl who had obviously never seen me eat 2 pints of ice cream in one day.
AND! this is crazy! on my first week at the preschool when the horrible horrible sub was there, i was joking about one of my favorite kids about how he was too biiiiiig and faaaaat for me to pick him up. he was giggling and saying "YOU'RE fat!" and i'd poke him and say "look at this belly! you must weigh at LEAST nine million pounds! there's no WAY i can pick you up!" and he'd laugh hysterically. and the stupid, stupid sub girl looks over, with a serious look on her face, and says "NO one here is fat." like we were being mean or something. look, lady, you might be a Normal Insecure Chick, but if there are two people on the planet who you can call fat to make them laugh, they are a four-year-old boy, and Kaley.
AND, for the first time in my life I've been able to sleep within minutes of going to bed. this is, i need to emphasize, Freaking Amazing. even in South America when I was traveling and backpacking and taking classes and speaking spanish all the time et cetera, it still took me like nine hours to fall asleep. It's so bad that a) I am/was? convinced i have Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome, and b) literally remember two (2) times in my entire existence where i fell asleep within minutes.
ALSO, for the first time in my life, last night when I went to bed at 11 and couldn't sleep til 2 and had to wake up at 6, I wandered out to say hi to my boyfriend, sat on his lap, and stared at his screen. normally this is an ideal time to space the fuck out, as my eyes instantly glaze over when i look at video games--try as i might, i was never able to focus my eyes to make sense of the frantic movements and explosions on the screen. i literally couldn't see it. until last night. EPIC. oh wait---i totally don't care.
Acronyms. What's the difference between WTF and "what the fuck"? 'wtf, in all its nerdiness, just sounds nicer. it's inherently kinda funny and silly because you're verbalizing a typed acronym associated with video games and nerds. so when my bee eff just said "wtf kaley, you're still awake?" (it's 7:45 and i'd fallen asleep within minutes of sitting on the couch after Doing Stuff all day) and i was thinking how different it'd be if he said "what the fuck."
Same thing with GTFO, or "get the fuck out." If i were to say "get the fuck out" to anyone under any circumstance minus obvious joking with close friends, i'd be a Bitch. but again, the boyfriend says it in totally non-offensive, even happy ways, such as insisting i go get myself ice cream and watch the Office.
oh. hey. NOTE TO CREEPY GUYS: I DO NOT NEED STRANGERS TO TELL ME I AM ATTRACTIVE. AND PLEASE STOP STARING.
i hate denver.
back to the topic of my rant:
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