your FACE!!!!!

Whole Foods and Costco are officially conspiring to crush my soul. How? Oh, I will tell you. I will tell you indeed.



Two things that make life worth living: 1) Wild Oats' lemon creme sandwich cookies (I have to actively work to NOT eat an entire box in one sitting, they're that fucking delicious) and 2) bulk packages of Orbits bubblemint gum to feed my addiction (I go through a pack a day. Good thing I'm not a smoker, this oral fixation is serious like whoa.)


Fucking Whole Foods. I liked them until they took over Wild Oats. So Whole Foods, when they bought out my beloved Wild Oats, stopped carrying my goddamned lemon cookies. I asked a cashier lady about them, I put a pleading note in their comment box, and then i put THREE MORE comment cards in when they responded to everyone's question except mine. Every single time. I put in comment cards every time i went there---so like once a week. No freaking response. So I started e-mailing them. And requested that Amazon e-mail me when my cookies become available, if they will ever again. OH HOW I NEED THEM.
So while i've been pining after my lemon cookies, i discovered on a recent trip to Costco that they no longer carry my favorite flavor of Orbits gum---they decided it was sufficient if they carried two kinds of mint, and some fucking watermelon mint crap, because yeah, one average and one weird-ass size fits all.

Enough whining. Time for funny stories and randomness, kids!

Funny story:
So I was sitting in the passenger seat of my friend's car one day coming back from climbing, and we were having a Serious, Deep Discussion about Life and Pain. And since we were in this far-right lane that turned into a turn-only lane where we didn't want to go, i interrupted my friend, who was in the midst of a Rant about Life, to say "this lane ends." and she said, "YES. EXACTLY. this lane ENDS. for all of us, at some point. it's so true!!!"
and it was true. the lane ended, and we had to change lanes. METAPHORICALLY?? perhaps.
GOD i'm so deep.

On my Facebook profile under "activities," among "climbing" and "drinking copious amounts of white tea" and "chocolate ice cream" and "spaghetti" (i love food like a fat kid at fat camp) and "being a badass" (i'm not modest but i'm honest), i have listed "making everything you say into an insult about your face." and it's true. But it doesn't always work as an insult, per se. For example: a friend says "man it's hot" and i go "your FACE is hot!!!! ohhhh snap!" and they're like ".....yeah.....burn." and i'm like "yeah. burn." When such an event occurs, and the other person thinks you're in fact complimenting them, it's key to keep a snide, smug look on your face like you just gave them the burn of their life. And they don't even FEEL burned, (so in your head you're like "OH SNAP you don't even KNOW!") that's how damn good you are. Covert. Yeah. Word.

Randomness:
Here are three of my favorite pieces of clothing:



hehehehehehehe. words on a shirt.
it's funny 'cause it's true.