i used to be pretty interesting. and by interesting, i mean insane.

so back in my angsty crazy high-school days, i journaled every day. i felt that if i didn't, my head would explode with a cacophony**, a melange* of unexpressed vituperation*. anyhoo, so i used to be pretty interesting and have some stream-of-consciousness narratives and some poetry. so my best friend and i were talking about getting into writing poetry again, and since i haven't really written much in the last 2 years, i went back to baaaaaaack in the day where i wrote a fuckton of schtuff. so here it is.


*i get word-a-day e-mails from dictionary.com, because i am a nerd.

**this word i didn't learn from word-a-day, because i am a freaking Nerd.



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mindspew heyou. nothing is beautiful but inexpicable unexplainable unwordable incomprehensible something is beautiful anymore. mindorgasm--more the mental, emotional, comfort, safety. engulf me completely. how can you activate, jolt, electrocute, scream, always with the screaming and the beauty, my obsessions as of always. how can you jolt when you sit here mindspewing on the internet, that which you don't abhor all the more on the floor with the war. oh god and the bouncing, evermore. one is essential, without it nothing is nothing and that could be anything--don't make that mistake. you can't delete something once you've written it. you can't unthink something once you've thought it. almost too perfect a wrongness to correct. one day, the puddle will unmelt freeze into an ice cube. learn to use the little voice to your advantage. meaning in everything? subconscious, maybe you can't find it. maybe you don't want to. maybe not interesting anymore. maybe maybe. FUCK i reek of me.
you have a place.
the point is that if you question it, it loses meaning.


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i want to smash precious things
i'm letting go of all the wrong things


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lose sight of the ground
lose sight of the sound
scales and bubbles and the blood on your lips
blood erased from my fingertips
another nonsense poem
another long way down
in over my head
fast is the stead
release then push to go so far
watch and learn
blinded churn
make it work, that living thing
you're alive, so live
don't forget to forgive
again my knuckles are bruised but not
from beating myself up
half jump half fall
i'd give up everything to have it all




(the sweet picture is from here)