attention spam

so you know how you can comment on your friends' facebook statuses now? someone had their status as "So-and-So is not too happy about the avs right now"*

*my level of interest in sports is summed up in the above t-shirt**

**i'm super happy i bought this a few years ago at tshirthell.com because they no longer carry it! noobs.

anyway someone responded to So-and So being "not so happy about the avs" with "no one is my friend" which made me giggle. commas DO matter, bitches! "no one is, my friend" would mean "no one is happy about the avs, my friend" whereas "no one is my friend" means that that comma-deprived loser has no friends. or commas.

also on facebook (aka attention spam GOD i'm so witty) was this ad/pretend survey: "Have You Voted Yet? Yes/No/I Don't Know."
whoa. hey.
stop.
that's an OPTION?
whoa. hey.
no.
if you don't KNOW whether or not you've voted, you should not be voting. even for obama, who i'd love to have more votes, just not....your vote. you understand, right? it's not me, it's you. fucking keep track of stuff such as your fucking vote. just stay at home and try to make friends and learn about commas.

Speaking of voting, i'm totally going to the early voting at the CU rec center. It's every day from 8AM-6PM til Halloween. rock on.

okay. i'm not sure if my chinese teacher is sadistic or just insane. she's really cool and i love her, but she made a bunch of us come to the front of the class individually to be asked questions in chinese we've been practicing. so one by one we go up there and stand awkwardly while people ask us in chinese about our major, our ideal apartment, etc. fascinating. anyway i was about the sixth person to go up, and everyone got SILENT when i got up there. silent like whoa. so after a few awkward, silent seconds, i said "Ni hao!" (hello) which made people laugh. awkwardly. more silence. i waited. (this prolonged silence happened for no one else, might i add.) finally this guy in the back mutters (in Chinese) "what's your phone number?" jokingly and though it was quiet, everyone else was SILENT and heard it. i kinda rolled my eyes and waited for a serious question when Chen Laoshi says to me "Are you going to answer him??? Are you going to give him your number???!" Okay, seriously?? it's not bad enough already? so i had to say, in chinese, "i have a boyfriend" and everyone laughed hysterically at the guy and said "oh shut DOWN!" and other guys in the class called out other creepy questions, such as where do i live. thank god the middle-aged grad student who is also a ling major saved me by asking where if i'm going to travel when i graduate. yes, yes i am. far, far away from Creepies.

people are so weird. well that's what you get. at least i didn't tell you I was sixteen***, don't have a phone or e-mail, or am dating someone you know who you know is not dating me. (all previous rejection lines from me, i know, i'm a horrible person. but what are you gonna DO, you know?)

***it's cool, i atually was sixteen. it was my favorite rejection line, so much so that i was sad when i turned seventeen because the 28-year olds don't balk quite as hard at 17 as they do 16.

"So you wanna go out for a drink sometime?"
"I'm not 21."
"Oh. When will you be?"
"Five years."
"......"