coffee shop thoughts

i want to high-five "random strangers"
and dance-walk and interact
(then some people are bores and suck...)
(and i realize that! oh fuck.)
i want real human connection
i want frenzied intervention
burst your bubble
--punch or snuggle?
interrupting lives
(we are living intertwined)
wearing sneakers one tall polka-dotted sock
the other one has ninjas on it!
oh! hello!
how do you motherfucking feel about that?
i don't want to be shiny or pretty
or ‘this’ or ‘there’ or ‘here’ (you care?)
i crave human be-ing
but barely utterly bewildering
is this this, this odd, this bodything
this living, this life/realitything
let's smash the clocks computers mirrors
and party on the moon
(and -holy fuck-, even (?maybe) talk!)

this

i wonder if being free would exhaust me


i want to just ask EVERYONE:
does it really not surprise you that you're human?
(maybe i'm new at this...been chillin in my corner of the sky"

feel like i’m playing a video game and i’m more aware of being the player than the character--instead of being super involved and invested, i’m watching with detached interest, rooting for me but not trying too hard or getting upset when i don’t get the coin or i fall down the hole.

utterly bewildered...at reality, humanity--class??! work?? rent??!

this song moves me sideways...sitar strings dancing into dream

having a hard time reading in Spanish and retaining comprehension....
it just sounds looks like music

i can’t handle people asking things of me
sometimes, these times
it’s more than enough to be

acupuncture is lighting the joint for the little man in your tendons, to make him chillax.

dear humans: “at your funeral, i was somewhat sad.”

i hope the apocalypse brings people together.

M&Ms or chocolate chips are a succulent and delicious treat, and should be enjoyed as though each individual candy has a personality.

This is a new page.

It can contain anything.

So far it has only contained the very mundane.

which, if i may say.
(and i WILL)

is fucking fantastic.

also: thoughts should also be treated as individual morsels.

It would be fun to watch the movies Jack and Benjamin Button in a row, perhaps one would enjoy a catharsis of the mind in doing this.

be-cause what is time?

we should go sledding.

"i’m in a brain mode right now" -brendan?

"you can’t take a cloud and pin it down" -brendan?0

"can’t be having stuff in my nothing space!" -ed

thinky thoughts

i want to sell ALL my stuff
move to another city
(CITY)
for the lights and people and dancing
(BY MYSELF)
go places meet people party my pants off
introduce myself as ‘robot’
(of course i’d bring minion!)

why is it so important to me (lately) to be interesting?
(that’s why i talk so much)
((LOOK AT ME I’M INTERESTING))
lately anyway.
((MITIGATING FACORS))

“Robot?”
“Yeah....i was like “i’m moving to a new city and i’m awkward and horrible at meeting people, maybe they’ll think i’m interesting if my name is Robot, which was my name at burning man”

i love humans! i’m just a noob at interacting

dance parties alone = BEST

a good example of why my “fuck that!” policy RULES:
“You’re on fire!”
ME: fuck that!

met the most MAGICAL human today---today in the tiny weird low-ceilinged oddly-shapped blue-painted used-book store combo home-made ice cream shop
“you’re from boulder? you guys are lucky!”

things i wish i heard in real life:
“if you want to start over, click cancel”

business cards:
mynameisrobot

act as interesting-movie-character as possibleß HOLY SHIT HOW DID I JUST TYPE THAT I AM AMAZING

i want to try being homeless someday.
just for a little bit.

SHANNON: play hide and go see in the dark!!
(but we’d probably spill the hookah)

on (as in, 'about') computers: “i know how to use this!”

hookah+BUBBLES.

night walking=the happy

there’s a monkey leg on my floor.

i miss the dust

save it elsewhere

note to self: $200 headphones --> totally worth it

i was having sex with that song
NO
it was having sex with me.

(the song: way out -- apparat and ellen alien on orchestra of bubbles)

it’s ungrammatical in Chinese to say “he’s happy” or “she’s happy” --because you can’t know.

------

why facebook is awkward:

Some Guy I Kinda Knew Through Friends In High School: ______ is trying very hard to hold the pieces of his life together.

Dude I Met Once At A Party. _____ divorce sucks

(i don’t even KNOW you...i didn’t even know you were MARRIED.)

OR! on the OTHER end of the spectrum:

Attractive Smiling Drunk Girl With Lots of Smiling Friends: _______Partying all night in Prague!!! Wooo!!!!

((i...have three more math problems.))



why all those blinky lights?

go team humans!

i kind of love that i'm super OCD but really messy. Like i'm not a habitually clean person, so i never put stuff away, or hang it up or whatever, right away, i'll just toss it in a pile. in high school my closet was actually two laundry baskets of cleanish clothes i'd spend hours sorting through in the morning. (SUPER efficient not knowing where anything is.) in my ACTUAL closet were all the clothes i never wore. anyway so my shit will get all messy and one day i'll freak out and clean for like a whole day and then it gets messy again because i really suck at being obsessive-compulsive. DARN it.

i miss the playa. i presented on burning man* tonight at ignite boulder though!! thanks to my muse. well my timing wasn't perfect and i couldn't reconcile a consistent spatial relationship with the mic, and i totally tunnel-visioned all thoughts and noises out, and just DID it, kinda just zenning it out not even consciously thinking. well, maybe not your typical zen, because i was advocating arbitrary use of fire (does that even make sense?), senseless (but FUN) violence (yay thunderdome), booze (i love the word booze) and drugs (can we have a funner word for those too please?). (in my defense, i was also advocating humanity's inherent genorosity and kindness. go team humans!) anyway, my space-out zennage may or may not have been a super good thing, but probably worked okay with my topic and my personality and the fact that i changed my topic at last minute (come on, i went to BURNING MAN) and despite practicing multiple extemporaneous versions, having a totally different presentation than anything i planned because i planned it to be unplanned.

*check it out, my name is Robot. (ooo, what did i link to? CLICK IT IT'S HILARIOUS TOO HILARIOUS FOR PUNCTUATION MARKS.)

(haha, i'm annoying and i find that hilarious. hoo boy.)

well it's 4 AM and i'm clearly starting to get a bit frisky. i've been going to bed super late lately. and by super late i mean super early, for me, to wake up. like when it's dark out. like 6-8 AM. why? i get all energetic at night. damn it.



is it just me or is anyone else consistently surprised that 'q' is farther up in the alphabet than they think it is? to me i just seems like it belongs at the VERY end, more near W than O.
always weirds me out

i just remembered that at some point at burning man i was talking about how i can't wait to be old. i'm gonna do a bunch of drugs because i won't need by brain or body for long anymore, and i'll wear crazy shit and say crazy things and drive really fast and wave my cane at people. OH MY GOD I TOTALLY WANT A CANE.
anyway i don't get why people aren't "supposed" to ask about age. when i'm fifty i'm gonna be all "I'M FIFTY." hell, when i'm thirty-seven i'll be like "I'M THIRTY-SEVEN." and if people are like "oh! i thought you were younger than that." i'll be like "NOPE. I'M THIRTY-SEVEN."
and they'll be like "please stop screaming my ear." and i'll be like "I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I'M OLD." and they will stab me in the eye with a salad fork. and i'll be all "that didn't even work, that was a big wooden spoon, you might want to use the other end" and he'll be like "well you're not shouting anymore, so i don't really need to." and i'll be like "i quite concur" and he'll go "indeed."
i could even through in my weight and dress size, just to be like "COME ON GUYS. NOT A BIG DEAL."

Lesson 1 from the Playa:
Fuck Pants.

Yeah. Why is pantlessness such a BIG GODDAMN DEAL? i have a fleshy human form. (i am a robot underneath, shh don't tell anyone.) who the fuck CARES? i want to be able to put on underwear and be done getting dressed for the day. i want to be FREEEEEEEE. free of PANTS.
...unless it's cold.
or i feel like wearing pants.

so i'm taking beginning russian this semester instead of going into advanced chinese (just SO not ready for that, plus i've been lusting after russian for a while) and sometimes people say stuff like "wow, you speak (blahblahblah)" and here is the truth:
1. i'm learning chinese to feel like a badass
2. i'm learning russian to make funny noises with my mouth*

*technically, as a linguist, all languages are equal and i'm probably not supposed to say that but come on, crazy consonant clusters are....uh, crazy.

time for bed.
(i concur.)

a love affair with laundry

AND NOW!!!
IT'S TIME FOR...
WORDS THAT MAKE ME GIGGLE

-vestibule
-nubbin
-coinage
-refurbish
(always makes me think of furbies, which inevitably results in what can only be described as a horrified chortle)


well that was fun.


I realized recently that one of the many reasons i like being awake at night is the total freedom from obligations. No one expects you to call them, or pick up your phone, at 2 AM. No stores are open, which means errands can't be run. Offices are closed, bossess are asleep. Even friends are sleeping.

Well i'm getting ready for Burning Man (note: scroll down for sweeeet pictures) and here are some of the things i've bought:


Glow leis: To wear at night for safety and awesomeness (how often can you say that?) and for gifting













A happy pink flower umbrella because i hear it gets sunny in the desert

Oh and you gotta have a costume or two!


Plus my roommate made me an AWESOME costume, a corset-dress thingy out of a pillowcase and two curtains from Savers. RAD.

Anyway gotta go buy a tent today, and an air mattress. This trip is super expensive (thank god i got the scholarship ticket!!!)* although I'm fucking psyched my computer can fit in my Camelback!! Wow, look at me, my trendy hip Apple laptop in my brand-new purple Camelback! BONUS POINTS: I am wearing a tye-dye skirt
AND THE WIN: I have a big-ass yin-yang tattoo all up my back.
DING DING DING! I'm from Boulder!

...
LOVE it.


AND as part of my preparation for Burning Man, I haven't showered in three days! RAD.

THIS IS HOW I THINK:
i may have just spent $15o on hats, but i figure i save about two dollars a month by not using dryer sheets so i'm pretty much even.
honestly, why do we even NEED dryer sheets? ooohh, static cliiiing. MY ONLY WEAKNESS!

MORE THOUGHTS ON DRYERS
in my new house there is an option on the dryer that is "no heat." which i don't understand because a no-heat drying is like...a crime against laundry. because pretty much the whole point of laundry is to take everything out of the dryer when it's all warm... and hugging it tightly and breathing in the smell of laundry as the lovely warmth encompasses you slowly, gently...

ahem.


ANOTHER ALLCAPS CAPTION
well that was fun.

i am secretly a hobo

THINGS I HAVE A HARD TIME THROWING AWAY:

Clothing:
it's so hard to throw away a shirt. even if it's old or ripped or horribly stained, it just FEELS wrong to place it on top of banana peels (just kidding, i compost. i'm from boulder) and empty bags and like...stale, modly ends of breads and yogurt lids. WHAT IF SOMEONE WANTED TO WEAR THAT?! Plus people always take it out of the trash can. even if you CAN bring yourself to throw away a super old dirty ripped shirt and muster up the courage (is that the right word here? no. not even a little.) to toss it, someone will INEVITABLY take it out and be like "there was a shirt in the trash" and you were like i KNOW, i THREW IT AWAY and they're like "take it too goodwill" and you're like "IT IS RIPPED ENTIRELY IN HALF AND HAS A KETCHUP STAIN THE SIZE OF TEXAS ON THE BACK" and they're like "how'd you get so much ketchup on...the BACK of your shirt? and why did you keep it so long? didn't you WEAR it after that?" and you're like "DON'T JUDGE ME I AM SECRETELY A HOBO"

Paper:
Or anything recycleable. it makes me twitch to see a soda can or paper in a trash can. in high school, i always yelled at people to recycle when they tried to throw out a piece of paper---once, someone from one of my classes came up to me in the hallway and proudly proclaimed that they recycled today! was i really that crazy about it? probably.

Pens:
Along the lines of a shirt--just seems like it DOES NOT belong in a trash can.

Anything Fancy-Seeming or Cool Containers
I have kept weird shit like my anti-zit stuff because i can't bring myself to throw out the container, because i think it is neat.



APPARENTLY I AM WEIRD

it is my goal in life, after living/traveling throughout south america/the world, to own a tiny house. like a TINY house. and instead of a bed i want a hammock. and instead of a desk, a dining room table, and coffee/end tables, i want one of those super low japanese tea tables and instead of a couch, a bunch of floor cushins. and instead of shelves, i want stacks of books randomly around the room, with candles or plants on top. and instead of furniture, i want nothing. with plants and books everywhere! and a spiral staircase. and a garden. and a gazebo. and a rooftop porch and hottub. and a manslavehouseboy named Manuel. *claps once* "Manuel! Another daquiri!"


I normally loathe rap but lately i've been super into 3OH3!
and saying "super" before every adjective. seriously. today i have said:
"super busy"
"super happy"
"super hungry"
"super awesome"

it just feels quaint, somehow, kinda 50's, to say "super." and "neato." LOVE it.

I want another tattoo(i am....super wanty of a new tattoo? or three?) . i'm thinking about the weird design of a necklace i wore all the time for a long time behind my ear and down my neck. or a BEE behind my ear. LOVE BEES. FUCK WASPS. i have very strong feelings on this. LOUD NOISES. i say that sometimes at Ren Fest, when you spend all day hollering at strangers and harassing the shit out them them to make an ass of themseves on a ladder falling in the hay (hey! you should all come to ren fest!) where was i? ...where AM i?
just kidding.
are you calling me fat?

i am only a skeleton

well i'm sick again. that's what i get for working at a preschool. DAMN KIDS!!! aww no i luvs them. ...(*glances around, sees no children, and shakes fist*)
also, i have a total inability to go to sleep if i have to pee AT ALL, like if i didn't pee within three minutes of getting into bed i will lay there obsessively thinking "should i get up and go pee? i think i kind of have to pee. no i'm probably fine. i barely have to pee. but i kind of have to pee. should i get up and pee?"
anyway this is a problem when i'm sick and drink like three gallons of tea and water+emergenC/airbourne because i'm trying to nip it in the bud (wow, i sound like my grandma. who is fucking INVINCIBLE by the way. what a badass. not that she would approve of me calling her that. probably. i wonder if she even knows what it means. aww my grandma's adorable.) but because i have 2 classes and 2 jobs and 1 boyfriend i never get enough sleep so i stay sick fo evah and it makes me sad and sniffly which pisses everyone off when we're in a test and i'm the back like "SNIIIIIF. HOCCCK. COUGGGGH. HAAACK. SNIIIIFFF" which i totally undersand because i hate it when people do that too.

i hate being sick because i can't (or shouldn't) climb and that makes me sad.
i loved being all hella ripped back in the day and scaring the bejeesus out of girls with my manly muscles and hardcore callouses. seriously. making girls gasp and jump when you flex or just when they see your arms or touch your hands. bwahhahahaha.

i think the british accent is a crock of shit.
this is because british singers DON'T HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT.
SUSPICIOUS??!!! yes. fucking exactly.
also, i can't understand british accents AT ALL, and kept asking "what's he saying? what's going on? can we turn the subtitles on?" when watching Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, and Boondock Saints. Seriously. I need a translator. They talk all fast and crazy and I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU PEOPLE.
also, i can't speak it ("it"=British). although for a while there whenever i was high i only and automatically talked in a british accent (it's SO FUNNY).
so my british accent sucks. most of my accent attempts are pretty sad, and end up being some kind of mixture of indian/british/russian/chinese.
i totally want to hear somebody speak chinese with a british accent.
or russian with a chinese accent.
or any other language, in another other language's accent.
....hehehe.